


i'm no sweet dream (but i'm a hell of a night)

by badapricot



Category: Thai Actor RPF, เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Anal Sex, Canon Compliant, Crying, Daddy Kink, Dom/sub Undertones, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mew Suppasit is a Pisces, Nightmares, Overprotective, Paranoia, Pet Names, Possessive Behavior, Protectiveness, Romance, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:22:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26079436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badapricot/pseuds/badapricot
Summary: Mew fell asleep around three. His dreams were full of outlandish, but horrible things. Gulf being accosted and mugged outside his building. Gulf going to get a late night snack at the corner store and being attacked on the way back. And the worst, a colourful nightmare about Gulf's shadowy roommate inviting unsavoury characters back to their apartment.It was the worst one because Gulf hadn't introduced Mew to him yet, so his subconscious could get very creative.Mew woke up in a cold sweat and with his heart racing.When he checked his phone for Gulf's text, he realized that only two hours had passed.or:Mew wasn’t a stranger to nightmares. He had an overactive imagination, even as a child, and at almost thirty that part of him hadn’t changed.
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Comments: 72
Kudos: 633





	i'm no sweet dream (but i'm a hell of a night)

**Author's Note:**

> _I, I keep a record of the wreckage of my life_
> 
> _I gotta recognize the weapon in my mind_
> 
> _They talk shit, but I love it every time_
> 
> _And I realize_
> 
> _I'm no sweet dream, but I'm a hell of a night_
> 
> _That I'm no sweet dream, but I'm a hell of a night_
> 
> **[\- NIGHTMARE, HALSEY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_dqfcvTZik)**
> 
> I've been working on this for a while which accounts for the crazy word count. I really wanted to write something from Mew's POV without making him perfect, but accounting for all his weird idiosyncrasies and life history. I really hope you guys enjoy it! 
> 
> All Thai language terms that are used in the fic can be found below:
> 
>  **Thai language terms**  
>  Khun = Mr/Mrs/Miss  
>  Phi/P = Gender neutral older person  
>  Nong = Gender neutral younger person  
>  Khun Phi = Mr. Brother/Sir  
>  Yai Nong = Feminine version of Nong/little sister/little girl  
>  Pho = Dad/Daddy  
>  Mae = Mom  
>  Sai Sin = White thread wrapped around wrists or head  
>  Sai Monkhon = Thicker white thread wrapped around the heads of a married couple during a wedding ceremony  
>  Ngor = Being the first to make up with someone, going to someone first after a fight to apologize  
>  Su su = Fighting/Good luck  
>  Pad kraprow = Spicy crispy pork and basil  
>  Oliang = Thai coffee
> 
> *All events in this fic are canon compliant or fiction based on events that happened. Sources in the end note.

Mew wasn’t a stranger to nightmares. He had an overactive imagination even as a child, and at almost thirty that part of him hadn’t changed.

The earliest one he could remember was caused by Jom falling off the back of his bike. His mother had given him the adult responsibility of walking her to their aunt’s house for tea and he’d wanted to impress her. She was only six and could barely balance on her own bike even with the training wheels, unlike her Phi.

She ended up falling flat on her face. There were five truly long seconds where she stared up at Mew in shock before she started to wail with all the drama of a spoiled little girl who had never experienced pain before.

Now they could laugh about it, but at the time—Mew felt like he was going to die. He sucked back fat tears and bawled as he rapidly pedaled to his aunt’s house with Jom clinging to his back the entire time. He felt irresponsible and ashamed, and like the worst older brother in the world but his mother assured him that he wasn’t, that he was a good boy, and she was the one to blame for thinking he was ready. That just made him feel even worse. The silver lining was that Jom wasn’t seriously hurt. Her fair cheek was only scraped, the mild injury covered in a Hello Kitty plaster that she refused to take off even when it started to grey and peel.

That didn’t stop the nightmares. After that disastrous afternoon, Mew had them in spades. Sometimes they would be walking home from school and a cartoonish white van would pull up to throw a screaming Jom into the back, obviously inspired by the late night Lakorns he’d watch with his Grandma. Other times, a foggy water spirit would appear in the tub during their bath time and pull her under while Mew screamed. His mother decided it was enough when he had one during school and scared his classmates half to death. She sent him to the best child psychiatrist she could find but what ended up stopping the nightmares was Jom breaking her arm. She tried to climb the old eucalyptus tree in their very safe, very fenced in front yard, and still snapped her arm like a twig. His mother wouldn’t remember that it had been the cure for Mew’s nightmares, her attention had flipped like a switch from the troubled child to the injured one, but Mew did.

The nightmares slowed and eventually stopped as he watched Jom recover, like he was slowly accepting, _she’s tougher than you think._

In retrospect, he knew that it wasn’t his fault. Jom wasn’t a wilting flower, she was just a little girl. He had only been a kid and she had been too. But Mew wasn’t a creature of logic, despite what people thought. He was hot-headed and passionate, and the sinew of him hadn’t changed _that_ much since he was eight years old.

Gulf was nothing like Jom.

She had sprouted into a practiced young lady by the time she was twenty-one, too mature and busy to deal with Mew’s babying.

At twenty-one, one of the first things Mew watched Gulf do was walk into a wall. He was walking back from the audition room when he body checked it, letting out a high _oof_ that didn’t fit his pretentious face. Mew laughed. Then he considered asking if he was okay but eventually decided to leave it because Gulf looked cold. Unapproachable.

“He can handle himself,” Mew thought, without knowing that it was the last time he would think such a thing.

Within two weeks, he was sucking Gulf’s thumb into his mouth over a paper cut. They were reading their scripts with Gulf perched on his knee that was now bobbing. It was an instinctive motion, one that Mew usually did to soothe babies.

“P’Mew,” Gulf complained, performatively wiggling his arm that was trapped in Mew’s grip. He could have shoved him away but he didn't.

“It’s fine, really.” His full cheeks were red and it made Mew suck a little harder, so it made an embarrassing noise when he let go.

“Now it is,” Mew said, giving his skin a parting kiss before holding it in his. Gulf's hand curled up cutely in his hold, mimicking his body. Mew continued reading to him, occasionally pulling the hand up to his eye line to make sure that it wasn’t still bleeding. Every time he did, he could feel Gulf hold his breath against him. When Gulf scuttled out of his lap twenty minutes later, he was still blushing.

Gulf was taller than Mew with a boyish face and long limbs. He loved soccer and video games, and all the naturally boyish things that Mew had been bad at as a teenager, but hadn't mattered when he became a man. Gulf was a typical uncomplicated college boy, except for when he wasn't.

For one, every time Mew arrived at workshops, Gulf was hidden in some corner alone until someone asked, "Where's Nong Gulf?"

Gulf rarely spoke first. Gulf rarely ate, unless someone else reminded him to. Gulf blushed when Mew held his hand, but also kissed him like he was trying to floss his teeth.

Gulf looked aloof but he was actually shy. Achingly so.

It was that dissonance that sent Mew’s protective instincts into overdrive, even before he loved him. Because what did the rest of it matter when Gulf looked at Mew like he had come to save him every time they made eye contact?

He hadn't had someone look at him like that in a long time.

Art never did, and Jom was twenty-six now. Too realistic to still think that her Phi hung the stars, even if she did love him. It was an addicting feeling and one he hadn't felt in a while, being someone's saviour.

"I'll be his brother," Mew amended when Gulf told him he had a girlfriend after their sixth week together. He stubbornly tried not to wonder, "Why did he take six weeks to tell me?" because it didn't really matter. Gulf still had a girlfriend. And Mew could take care of him as a good Phi. They didn't need to be more than friends for that.

 _I was never interested in anything more_ , he lied to himself.

* * *

Mew was never good at boundaries, but he tried.

He tried to remember them even as he actively tried to break down Gulf's and the lines between them continued to blur.

"You did a good job today," Mew said. It had been a hard day for both of them, having to film two emotionally draining scenes back to back. Mew felt dried out and stiff after crying for hours, and worse, having to watch Gulf cry over and over, and over again. It made him want to comfort him, which he did in between takes even as Gulf assured him, "I'm fine, Phi. It's just pretend."

"Thank you, Phi," Gulf croaked. Mew made a sympathetic noise, and wound him in for another hug, even though Gulf's mother was waiting in the parking lot.

"P'Mew," Gulf complained, but he stayed limp and allowed Mew to hold him, massaging at the tightly wound muscle at the base of his neck until he became pliant and relaxed.

"Sorry," Mew said, finally allowing him to pull away, "It's hard to control myself, you just look so..."

" _I know_ ," Gulf sighed, rolling his eyes a bit. Mew wasn't the only one who was affected by watching Gulf cry. It had all the crew members walking on eggshells, some even slipping Gulf sweets and snacks like he was a child that needed comforting. Gulf greedily accepted the snacks and slipped the sweets to Mew, but he knew Gulf hated being pitied.

"But I'm okay, Phi. Promise. Totally okay," Gulf made the OK sign with his thumb and index finger and it was so cute, Mew wanted to kiss his cheeks. Instead, he let him go.

"Are you going back to the condo tonight? What are you going to do when you get home?" Mew asked, maybe a bit too nosy. It was hard to control when it came to Gulf. He wanted to know everything about him.

"Condo and sleep," Gulf said, with a yawn. _Good_ , Mew thought. He looked worse than even Mew did, with thick red rings under his eyes and a delicate tremor to his jaw from the stressful day.

"Text me when you get home so I know you're safe," Mew said. "And eat some real food before you go to bed. Not just chips."

"Okay, okay. I will, I promise," Gulf laughed.

He shuffled his feet like he was going to go before he surprised Mew by surging forward and wrapping his arms around his neck in a weak hug like he wasn't sure if he was asking too much after having Mew comfort him all day. It was stupid because Gulf could never ask him for too much. Mew's hands hung at his sides only in shock before he wrapped Gulf back up in his arms.

"Goodnight, Khun Phi."

Mew squeezed him and allowed himself one sniff of his hair. Gulf only smelled like him, because Gulf barely had a scent of his own. He hated how much he liked having Gulf smell like him because he was supposed to be a man, not a dog.

"Goodnight, Yai Nong."

Mew waved at Gulf and his mother when they left and headed to his own condo for the night. The Jongcheveevat manor was too far away, especially when he needed to be at Siam Paragon to film early the next morning.

He worked out first and then showered, before settling in bed to work on his thesis. The English words were starting to blur together when he realized that his phone hadn't lit up with a text or an emoji from Gulf yet.

He frowned when he checked his notifications, scrolling through all the ones from the day before, but nothing from Gulf.

 _I can do a little more work_ , Mew thought, even though his thesis was making less sense the longer he forced himself awake.

Despite all his efforts, Mew fell asleep around three. His dreams were full of outlandish, but horrible things. Gulf being accosted and mugged outside his building. Gulf going to get a late-night snack at the corner store and being attacked on the way back. And the worst, a colourful nightmare about Gulf's shadowy roommate inviting unsavoury characters back to their apartment.

It was the worst one because Gulf hadn't introduced Mew to him yet, so his subconscious could get very creative.

Mew woke up in a cold sweat and with his heart racing.

When he checked his phone for Gulf's text, he realized that only two hours had passed.

* * *

Mew still had no texts when he arrived at half past six with a can of green tea in hand.

 _He's fine, he's fine, he's fine_ , he tried to rationalize because Gulf hadn't answered his early morning FaceTime call either. _He went home with Khun Mae._

But Gulf hadn't gone home last night, he'd gone back to the condo. His condo that he shared with a guy Mew hadn't even met yet. A condo that wasn't in the safest part of downtown Bangkok, because nowhere in downtown Bangkok was truly safe, only convenient.

Gulf wasn't in the lobby when he arrived or in the dressing room.

"Has anyone seen Nong Gulf?" he asked. A PA shook her head as she ran around him, and his concern intensified, some remnants of the nightmares he'd had the night before rushing to the surface.

Mew eventually found him in the makeup room.

Gulf looked perfectly fine. He was perched in the makeup chair with Moly hovering over him, his hair clipped back with a plastic carrot and his face covered in patchy foundation. They were teasing each other and Gulf's soft voice could be heard even from where Mew was standing.

Mew felt so relieved after the lack of sleep and the nightmares, he had to lean against the doorway to stay on his feet. It was quickly replaced with another feeling as he watched Gulf chat away, well rested and chipper in comparison to Mew.

Gulf was perfectly fine, but he couldn't even bother to text Mew back. To do the one thing Mew had asked him to do before he left set the night before.

The anger rushed through him like an unsuspecting tide, crashing over him without warning, and leading him to walk right back out of the room because he couldn't even look at him. He had to rest his forehead against the cold wall outside to cool his temper.

He'd spent half the night worried about what could have happened to Gulf when he was most likely playing games with his friends or running around the city. He was a college kid after all.

 _Or maybe he went out for a late night dinner with his girlfriend_ , he thought. The possibility made him go cold even though it wasn't his business and Gulf didn't owe him anything.

"What are you doing out here?" Gulf's voice asked behind him. Mew spun around.

Gulf's makeup was done and his hair fell in soft waves around his face. He looked sleepy and adorable, and this was usually around the time that Mew would get his own makeup done while Gulf dozed in his lap and told him about whatever game he'd watched the night before.

"P'Moly is looking for you," Gulf said. He sounded slightly more confused now and Mew knew why. He wasn't speaking or holding him or doing all the things he usually would. He was worried that if he tried he would say something he was going to regret.

"Phi—"

"Nong Mew, Moly is looking for you," Mame said, rounding the corner from the makeup room. "What are you two doing out here? You need to be on set in twenty."

"Coming, P'May," Mew said, and then he walked past Gulf without saying a single word.

* * *

It was a force of habit that had Mew grabbing Gulf's script as they walked to set, but he stubbornly refused to meet his eyes and walked at double speed to avoid talking to him.

Gulf didn't try to speak to him but he struggled to keep up with Mew's pace as he clung to his arm. It was a testament to Mew's anger that he didn't look at him, even when Gulf eventually fell back.

"You guys can hang out here while we set up," the director said. They were filming a shopping scene at the mall so there were countless display beds, which Mew quickly laid down on and closed his eyes.

He felt Gulf tentatively settle next to him after a few moments.

"P'Mew," Gulf whispered, nudging him sharply.

Mew's eyes stayed closed. He knew he was being immature right now but his anger hadn't subsided in the slightest. Gulf could figure out why he was angry by himself.

" _Phi_ ," Gulf whined, slightly more desperate, "Why aren't you talking to me?" He wriggled against Mew's side like he was going to get up and leave, and Mew roughly grabbed him by the waist purely out of instinct, his body betraying what he actually wanted. Gulf made a noise of surprise and held Mew's hand to his stomach with both of his like he was afraid he was going to let go.

"Ready?" Mame asked. She stood over them with their scripts in hand. " _Aow_. You've made up then?"

Mew released Gulf and sat up like he was on fire.

"We're not fighting, P'May," Mew said, "But we are ready."

He avoided Gulf's eyes and walked over to the director to get his starting point.

They were in fact—not ready.

Gulf fumbled over every line and could barely form a full sentence without stuttering leading to take, after take being ruined.

Gulf steadily got redder as they kept going, his face burning with embarrassment, and Mew started to worry.

"Okay—cut!" the director said. He looked exasperated. "Okay let's just...take a short break and come back to this in fifteen. I think we all need a breather."

Gulf mumbled a quick apology to no one in particular before immediately running off.

Mew was going to follow him when Mame grabbed his arm and pulled him aside.

"What is going on between you two? Nong looked like he was going to cry!"

Mew thought the same thing but hearing it aloud made his heart drop into his stomach.

"I was sulking with him for...it doesn't matter," Mew said. Mame didn't need to know the reason which seemed so important an hour ago, but now felt embarrassing and unimportant when compared to Gulf's bright, humiliated face. "I'm going to fix it."

Gulf wasn't in the makeup room or the mall bathrooms. Mew found him outside and alone, sitting on the steps outside the mall with his long legs folded against his chest.

"Yai Nong!" Mew said, a gush of relieved air escaping him. Gulf jumped and turned at the sound of his voice. He wasn't crying, but he looked the same way he looked the day before...after filming a panic attack for six hours.

Mew tentatively sat down next to him and didn't know what to say.

Gulf stared at him with sad, limpid eyes, but didn't move. It was like it was in the beginning when Gulf was still shy and reserved and would hide himself away from everyone, including Mew. Mew had spent the last few months mining away at that shyness until Gulf curled into his arms without asking, and that had all been undone in one day.

 _It wasn't worth it_ , Mew said, suddenly incredibly angry at himself.

"Phi...P'Mew."

"Mmm," Mew said, urgently, "Yes?"

Gulf chewed on his lip so hard that Mew wanted to hook a finger in there to make him stop, and then he spoke.

"I don't know what I did but please don't be mad at me anymore," Gulf said. He sounded weak and tired, his voice scraped raw. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"Okay," Mew said. His chest was tight like it couldn't contain his heart. "Come here."

Gulf sighed in relief when Mew pulled him into his arms, grabbing him so quick and so tight that Gulf was left half hanging over his lap.

"Don't be mad anymore," Gulf begged.

"I'm not," Mew shook his head, as he ran his fingers up and down Gulf's back. Gulf's fingers twitched against his back before he hooked his fingers into his shoulders like he was trying to do before when Mew was running away from him.

"Phi forgives you," Mew soothed, "Phi isn't mad."

"But you were," Gulf said, "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing when you don't even know what I was angry about," Mew said, purposefully gentle. He didn't want Gulf to run away from him again.

"Why were you?"

It sounded too petty to say now, but Mew knew better. If he didn't say how he felt now it would be the same as planting a poisonous seed and waiting for it to sprout.

"Text me when you get home so I know you're safe," Mew repeated his words from the night before.

Gulf stilled in his arms before pulling away to peer up at him. He saw realization in his eyes.

"Don't tell me that it's not a big deal because I already know that," Mew said, the words coming out in a rush to defend himself, "But you promised me and I can't help worrying about you, Nong. Maybe even more than I should—"

"No!" Gulf protested, "You don't worry about me too much." He blushed like he realized he'd said it too aggressively, and Mew felt fond.

"I'm sorry," Gulf whined before burrowing his head against the crook of his neck, "I totally spaced out and fell right asleep as soon as I got home."

"I figured," Mew lied, the lump in his throat disappearing along with all the possibilities he'd been entertaining. Of course, Gulf had just gone to sleep. Gulf didn't have a malicious bone in his body, he was just different. Simple. Way simpler than Mew, who couldn't even go one night without getting lost in his head.

"I should have remembered to text you since I promised and...I know how worried you get. I just didn't think."

"It's okay," Mew assured him, "everything's fine now."

"I promise I won't forget next time, for sure."

Gulf offered Mew his pinky and it took him a few seconds to realize why.

 _How can you be this cute?_ Mew thought.

He hooked his pinky with Gulf's before kissing where their fingers were joined because he wasn't able to contain himself.

After that, filming went by like a breeze.

"You are both unbelievable," Mame said, later that day. "In the morning, I couldn't get you to work together. Now, you're so clingy we can't get any filming done."

Gulf was sitting on Mew's lap as usual, but maybe Mew's arms were crossed just a bit too tight over his waist, keeping him there.

"Gulf you're not even supposed to be here, why are you on set!?"

Gulf's scenes had wrapped up earlier so he could have been sleeping in holding if he wanted to. Instead, he was here, crashing Mew's scene. He'd hung in the wings while they filmed and had sat on him as soon as the director called for a break.

"It's not my fault P'Mew won't let go of me," Gulf said. "See?" He pretended to try to struggle in Mew's arms and struggled more when Mew tickled his sides. It was even cuter because Mew knew Gulf didn't get ticklish. He only giggled and writhed because he knew Mew wanted to play.

"It's completely my fault, P'May."

"It is," Mame snapped, "you spoil him." But she quickly lost steam. "Well, at least you're not fighting anymore."

When she walked away, Gulf twisted in his arms and said, "Phi, can we get crispy pork after this?"

Mew hated pork. He hated most unhealthy things besides sweets and Gulf had already tricked him into eating crispy pork three times this week. But he still found himself saying, "Fine, but I get to pick the place."

It was the first time Mew really thought, _you're in danger, Suppasit._

* * *

After months of denial, the day Mew realized that he loved Gulf was a literal and figurative storm.

They'd gotten into a screaming match on the phone the day before, and Gulf hadn't said a word to him since. Not on the rocky ferry ride over to Samet island, or on the day trip where they explored the filming locations with the crew, getting the sets prepped for the following day.

"Hey, white shirt. Feeling okay?" Mew tried, while they explored the island.

He knew Gulf got queasy on the water. Gulf only gave him two thumbs up in response before clinging to Kishi and ignoring Mew. He must have looked scary after that, as the crew who had only been hired for the special episode gave him a wide berth, some even doing a complete 180 in the opposite direction when they saw him coming.

That didn't bother him. What did bother him was _Gulf_ doing the exact same thing. While people who didn't know him very well thought he looked scary at first glance, Gulf never did. Gulf never ran away from him. But today he quickly excused himself for an early night when Mew approached the haphazard party the crew had set up on the beach. Some were barbecuing fish, but the majority were tipsy. It was the last fun they could have before the real work started the next day.

"You should try to talk to him," Mame said when Mew sat down next to her on the rocks. She slid him a sandy beer. He usually wouldn't drink, too conscious about maintaining his body, but he was defeated enough to take a swig.

"P'May," Mew said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I've been trying."

"Not hard enough, obviously," Mame said, rubbing his back sympathetically. "You're out here drinking with us when Nong Gulf is inside."

"He keeps running away from me." Gulf usually clung to him, always wrapped up tight in his Khun Phi's arms or on his lap. It stung to watch him do the exact opposite.

"So you're just going to let him run away from you?" she asked, finally shoving him. She sighed. "I don't know what happened between you two, but Yai Nong was giving you eyes all day."

Mew gave her a look.

"Really?"

Mame nodded. "Yes, you were just sulking too much to notice."

"I should talk to him," Mew realized, "Now."

Everyone was on the beach or asleep so Gulf couldn't use the crew or his parents as an excuse to evade Mew.

"That's what I was telling you— _yah!_ " Mame yelled when he abruptly handed her his beer before springing to his feet.

" _Su su!_ " a few people called out after him. _How obvious was our fight to the rest of the crew?_ Mew wondered.

He'd barely drunken half of it but his entire body tingled with liquid courage as he strode to Gulf's hotel room at double speed.

It quickly dissipated with Gulf staring back at him, only wearing an oversized T-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. Mew's heart twinged when he realized it was one of the bright shirts he'd given Gulf during their workshops. It hurt, even more, when Gulf crossed his arms over it protectively, like Mew was someone he needed protection from.

"Can I talk to you?" Mew said.

Gulf looked like he wanted to slam the door in his face.

"I said I was going to bed early. I'm tired." Gulf yawned unconvincingly and smacked his lips when he was done, staring at Mew with flat eyes.

_Little brat._

"You said that to P’May," Mew said, backing Gulf into the room like prey. "You haven't _said_ a word to me."

Gulf let out an _oomph_ when he fell back onto the bed as if he hadn't realized it was there. His eyes darted around, forced to look up at Mew. He looked nervous and Mew decided he didn't like it.

He didn't think before he sunk to his knees in front of him until he was the one looking up while Gulf stared down at him in surprise. Gulf's hands twitched at his sides before he tentatively brushed Mew's cheek. It was skin contact that made them both sigh with relief.

 _It's only been two days_ , Mew reminded himself.

"And I know why," Mew said, "I deserve it even."

He couldn't remember what they argued about now. It was unimportant. But he did remember what Gulf had screamed at him, the first words he'd ever screamed at him.

_"Why do you have to shout? I don't like it when people raise their voice at me!"_

Gulf stroked his cheek with the back of his hand, and Mew became emboldened. He grabbed them both and for not the first time, marvelled at how small they looked in his before he kissed one.

"I'm sorry," Mew said, the words muffled by the soft back of Gulf's hand. He pressed a kiss to each one, making Gulf's breath hitch. "I'm sorry for raising my voice at you. I should never have done that. I should have never—"

Gulf dragged him up to meet him with one hand burrowed in his shirt, throwing himself into his arms.

Mew caught the back of his head with the same strength, holding Gulf tight but careful as he hovered half on top of him.

"Mhm," Gulf moaned in protest and buried his head against Mew's neck when he tried to move.

"Gulf?" Mew asked.

Gulf held him tighter, so he couldn't pull back to look at his face. Mew felt his shoulder grow warm and wet and understood why.

He ran his fingers down Gulf's back and hated himself a little bit less when the tightness disappeared, and Gulf slowly turned into a relaxed slip of boy in his arms.

"I really hate it," Gulf finally croaked, his face still hidden against him. Mew grew still, his hand frozen where it was cupping the delicate stem of Gulf's neck.

"Yelling," Gulf clarified.

"Okay," Mew said, after a long moment.

Gulf pulled Mew closer with his legs around his waist, drawing him in and over him. Mew settled on top of him and held Gulf's eyes as he went down.

The moment was fragile, the blaring resort air conditioner hiding what they weren't able to acknowledge yet. The hot puff of their shared breath, their matching hearts, and how much Mew loved having Gulf under him without a roomful of voyeurs.

 _Everyone's on the beach or sleeping,_ Mew remembered, and he suddenly felt like he was doing something forbidden. Like he'd snuck into the bedroom of an innocent young girl—and hadn't he?

Mew rested his head on Gulf's chest and nuzzled his nose through the cloth, taking a long whiff of Gulf's baby scent. When he rolled his neck back to peer at him, Gulf looked dazed but he didn't complain. He only ran his fingers through Mew's sea air-dried hair.

"You've heard my parents and P'Grace," Gulf whispered, even though there was no need for it. It added importance and intimacy to his words that made Mew pay attention. "They all talk like me."

 _Soft_ , he meant. Mew had never met a boy as soft-spoken as Gulf.

"No one in our house yells. Nobody even yelled at me when I was a kid." Gulf spoke like he was embarrassed by his gentle family.

"Even when you were being naughty?" Mew asked. The probe felt less than innocent with Gulf pinned underneath him and he wasn't the only one who noticed. Gulf's small ears glowed red when he shook his head slowly.

"No. Never."

Between his Grandma and his Dad, Mew couldn't relate.

"Except," Gulf said, bringing a finger up to his face, "One time."

Mew quickly kissed the pad of it, causing Gulf to wilt and curl the offending finger against Mew's chest like his strings had just been cut.

"When I was thirteen I shot up eight inches in five months," Gulf said, "I was too skinny." _You're too skinny now_ , Mew thought. He couldn't imagine how much smaller he must have been at thirteen.

"My body hadn't caught up to my new height so I was underweight," Gulf explained, playing with the buttons at Mew's collar and avoiding his eyes, "For around a year, almost. And eventually, some boys in my class noticed."

Mew didn't like where this was going. It must have shown on his face because Gulf sighed fondly and patted the hard line of his shoulder that was now pressing him into the bed.

"Calm down, Pho," he said in a light voice, "I'm not thirteen anymore." That much Mew could be grateful for. Gulf made him feel dirty at twenty-one. He allowed Gulf to soothe him, stroking his sideburns and his shoulders until he assumed he looked less scary.

"They'd scream every time they saw me," Gulf said, "In my ear if they could surprise me. But usually in my face whenever I walked by. They said I was so tall and skinny I looked like a monster."

"Cutest monster I've ever seen," Mew said, playfully nuzzling at Gulf's chest until he giggled, to distract from how angry this story was making him. Gulf rarely told him anything about his past. He was too introverted and private to share entire life stories like Mew sometimes did over lunch breaks without thinking. Mew didn't want to scare him into clamming up, even if he would have liked nothing more than to go to Gulf's family home and peruse his old yearbooks for his past classmates. He could find out who they were.

"My name suddenly became an issue," Gulf said, "nobody cared that it was a girls name before, but after they decided to pick on me it was just another thing to add to the list of reasons to hate me."

"Nattarin," Mew remembered. It was Gulf's old name before he changed it, a feminine match for his sister's. As much he liked Kanawut, he thinks he could have liked Nattarin too. He wished he could have met Nattarin.

"Nattarin," Gulf said with a sad smile, "They would steal my pants from my cubby during PE and leave skirts from the lost and found instead."

Mew's jaw clenched, both at what was said and how Gulf said it. He sounded ashamed.

"They scared away the girls," Gulf said, "They didn't want to hang around me because they knew Le— _the guys_ could come by and start screaming at any moment. And it annoyed the boys. Enough that they all started avoiding me."

"Idiots," Mew said, too vehemently for how playful he'd just been, and giving away how angry he really was, like he could do something about bullying that occurred years ago.

"Kids," Gulf corrected, though he had to bite his lip to hide a guilty pleased smile that quickly disappeared. "But it was lonely. I became scared of loud noises after that. I think it was the association or something..." Gulf trailed off and gave Mew a weak shrug. It was a poor mask for his now glassy eyes and his trembling lip.

"So please don't yell at me," Gulf said in a small voice.

Despite how blunt Gulf could be, it was rare for him to be straightforward in this way. He would usually rather swallow down discomfort than tell people when he was bothered because he didn't like to make a fuss. It was a habit that infuriated Mew.

The dropping of that pretense made him move.

"I won't," he whispered, soft spoken because...now he knew that Gulf was afraid of shouting. _It wasn't just shouting_ , he realized, as different memories suddenly rushed to the surface. Gulf flinching at the sound of a slammed door and jumping because Mild had squawked in his ear. What Mew thought was Gulf's dislike of the monsoon season. Gulf didn't hate the monsoon season or the rain—it was the lightning he was afraid of.

"I won't ever do it again," Mew said, nodding until his bangs were tickling Gulf and their foreheads were pressed together. He leaned down and kissed the soft hollow of Gulf's cheek. It was salty and warm. "I promise."

"Thank you," Gulf said, letting out a relieved sigh like he expected Mew to say, 'no.' Mew didn't think he knew how to say no to him.

Gulf allowed Mew to pepper his face with dry kisses and take long drags of his neck that made him squirm against him, so adorable that Mew had to periodically pause so they could just look at each other, drinking in each other's face after a pathetic forty-eight hours apart. They talked about nothing in particular, but they didn't move an inch.

They fell asleep like that. Mew's nose against Gulf's throat and Gulf's hands curled around his neck.

Sometime after, Mew woke up. Gulf was still under him but the room had become gold and foggy, darkened by the night and the patter of hot rain on the windowpane. The room had gotten muggy because the air conditioner had somehow turned off, and Gulf's cheeks and lips had gone rosy in turn. They were so distracting that it took Gulf smacking his lips to break Mew out of his reverie.

 _I must be crushing him_ , Mew thought, and he hesitantly tried to climb off without waking Gulf up.

" _Nooo_ ," Gulf whined, pulling him back on top of him with more strength than a sleeping person should have. "P'Mew. Stay with me, please."

 _He doesn't know what he's saying_ , Mew told himself. He'd gotten good at that lie since they'd met.

_He's too young to know what that means._

_He doesn't mean it that way._

_He has a girlfriend._

Lies could only last so long. Because Mew was not a creature of logic, no matter how much he tried to be. The logical thing would have been to tuck Gulf in and go to his own hotel room. Even walking into the storm outside would have made more sense.

Instead, he laid back down on top of his Nong and finally admitted the truth to himself in an empty room.

_I'm so in love with you._

"Don't worry. Phi isn't going anywhere."

That night, Mew dreamt that the two of them were in a little rusty boat on murky waters.

Gulf wasn't easily scared, but he also hated the sea. He held on to Mew and begged.

"Don't let me drown, Phi. No matter what happens, please don't let me drown."

* * *

Gulf turned twenty-two in December, but Mew had started thinking about it months before.

"The fans are throwing me this thing, I don't know," Gulf rambled to Mew over FaceTime. Gulf rarely rambled and it gave away how nervous he was, not that Mew would tell him that. "Is Phi free that day? I mean, can Phi come? P'Best wanted me to ask you," Gulf said, obviously using Bester as an excuse.

Mew pretended to look like he was considering it, like he could seriously forget Gulf's birthday, before he shook his head.

"I have a presentation that day, Nong. I thought I told you."

Mew did not have a presentation that day and he definitely hadn't told him anything.

"Oh," Gulf deflated, "I must have forgotten. It's no big deal then." He immediately brushed it off, but he had visibly wilted.

"I'm sorry," Mew apologized, even though he would be there. He hated seeing Gulf look so disappointed. "Don't be sad."

"I'm not sad. It's not even a big deal, Phi, it's just a day," Gulf said.

 _It is not just a day_ , Mew thought. It was a day Mew had been planning for nearly two months in advance, and in two weeks Gulf would find that out.

* * *

Mew barely remembered the song he sang, or his saunter up the stage under the bright lights. What he did remember was how light Gulf felt when he heaved him up into his arms, and his _face_.

He kept looking at Mew like he couldn't believe he was real. First, in complete shock, and then in happy awe. He was so happy, he couldn't even speak when Mew handed him the mic, instead choosing to cling to his arm and shake his head to avoid crying.

He still looked overwhelmed when they left the stage, Mew's hand on his lower back leading him so he wouldn't trip and fall. He would have done it anyway, but Gulf looked like he was in a daze.

As soon as they were backstage, Gulf wrapped his arms around his neck.

"I can't believe you did all this," Gulf said.

"Did you really think I was going to miss your birthday?" Mew asked, rocking him slightly, "Come on, Nong. Give me more credit."

Gulf pulled away to stare up at him in disbelief. "I'm giving you a lot of credit. How did you even have time to organize this? I thought it was a fan project!"

"And I'm your biggest fan," Mew teased. Gulf rolled his eyes and hit his chest but his eyes were upturned and wet, his hits only perfunctory. Mew caught his wrists, holding them with one hand and holding his waist with the other.

" _Aow_ ," Mew said, now that he was looking at his eyes, "You really cried." He let go of Gulf's wrist to cup his face and brush under his eyes instead.

"Of course, I did," Gulf sniffed, "I was really down you know. When I thought you weren't coming."

"I know," Mew said, "You're not hard to read, Yai Nong."

"No. Not like you," Gulf said, and it sounded like it had a double meaning.

Mew didn't have time to ask what he meant because Gulf's parents walked in, trailed by a pretty girl that Mew recognized as Gulf's older sister, Grace. He'd only met her once before.

He released Gulf's waist until there was an appropriate amount of space between them.

"Khun Mae, Khun Pho," Mew greeted, waiing to them both while Gulf walked over to his sister.

"Khun Mew," Gulf's father said before he waied back. Gulf's mother waved at him before walking over to Gulf and Grace. They were aggressively whispering between themselves and glancing at Mew, and Mew could hear Gulf's mother tell them to cut it out.

"If you say anything to him I will bury your phone in the mud. I will throw your laptop into the Chao Phraya River."

" _Yah—_ If you keep talking to me like that I'll say something regardless. I wasn't even planning on saying anything at all."

"Liar."

"I just didn't know he was _actually_ your boyfriend. Look he's still talking to Pho and he looks—"

Mew didn't get to hear more because Gulf's father spoke.

"We were planning to have dinner as a family after this wrapped up. Do you want to join us?"

"Yes," Mew said, unable to eavesdrop further, "I'd love to, thank you. Just give me the address and I can follow since I came in my own car."

"P'Mew's coming to eat with us then?" Grace asked loudly. Gulf looked embarrassed by her, and it was adorable. Mew had never seen Gulf act like this before, despite being his Phi. But maybe that was because he'd never sincerely treated Gulf like a little brother.

They ended up eating at a Southern Thai restaurant because Gulf's entire family loved spicy food.

Gulf immediately ran to sit next to Mew, blocking Grace from doing so with a pointed tongue that he quickly pulled back into his mouth when he saw Mew smiling at him.

"What are you so scared she's going to say to me?" Mew asked though he had an inkling. Grace thought Mew was Gulf's boyfriend. It made him preen and sit up a little straighter, even if it wasn't true. Today he felt like Gulf's boyfriend, getting the privilege to surprise him on his birthday, and then being invited out to a family dinner. He stretched an arm around Gulf's chair, pulling him closer with a jolt that made Gulf jump.

"Nothing," Gulf fumbled, clearly lying, "It's just you know...sisters."

Mew didn't know because Jom was as sweet as pandan.

"Woah, are you gonna be okay?" Gulf asked, frowning as they went through the menu together and every item looked spicier than the last.

"It's not that serious," Mew said, offended and flattered at the same time, "I can handle a little spice."

Gulf gave him a dubious look but didn't argue. Not when the food arrived and not when he saw Mew push three fried eggs onto his plate that only had plain rice.

"I knew you couldn't handle it," Gulf teased. "Here take some of this. I've been here before and this dish isn't that bad." Mew allowed Gulf to spoon some vegetables on to his plate like they'd done a hundred times before on set. When he looked up, Grace was staring at him from across the table over joined hands.

"So P'Mew," Grace suddenly said. Gulf immediately dropped his spoon, adding unnecessary drama to the scene. "Your entrance was _super_ cool."

It was so unexpected, Mew laughed.

"Thanks."

"It looked like something out of a movie but with you as the male lead, of course."

"Thank you," Mew said, nodding his head.

"And you arranged it all right? That's what Nong Gulf said."

"Yup," Mew said, "It was all me."

"It must have cost a lot of money then right? And time. Gosh, I can't even imagine how much time something like this could have taken for one person—"

" _P'Grace_ ," Gulf interrupted in a flat voice.

"Grace, don't tease your brother on his birthday," Gulf's mother said without even looking up from her food. She was clearly unamused and used to their bickering.

"I've been planning this since October," Mew said honestly. Gulf stilled beside him, turning to look at him in surprise, "And money wasn't a concern, Nong Grace. Not with Gulf."

Grace was five years younger than him and half his size, but it was the fact that she was Gulf's older sister that made him want her to like him.

He didn't look at Gulf but he could feel him lean in to him, before tugging on his arm.

" _October!?_ " Gulf stage-whispered to him.

" _Wow_. Nong," Grace said, addressing Gulf, "Your stories weren't exaggerations, I'm so impressed. P'Mew, you're very impressive."

"Shut up," Gulf hissed at her, but he linked his arm with Mew's and didn't let go even when they started to eat. Mew ached to know what stories Gulf had told Grace about him, but from the embarrassed red tint to Gulf's cheeks, he could take a guess.

That night, Mew had a beautiful dream.

He felt older and Gulf definitely looked older, and they were soaked from head to toe.

They were running through the empty street to get away from the rain, at least until Gulf almost fell on his back and Mew fell to catch him. They settled on the ground in a mess of laughter and limbs because the rain was warm and they had nowhere to be.

"How did you do that?" Gulf giggled, "I thought I was a goner."

"I'm always going to catch you," Mew said, as he ran a hand through his wet hair. "Always." And then he pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

When he pulled away, Gulf looked up in awe, his face soft and open. It was the same face he wore when Mew surprised them on that stage, all those years ago.

That morning, the only thing that woke Mew was his alarm.

* * *

His next dream was not beautiful.

It came only a few nights after Gulf's birthday. They had an event at CentralWorld that set Mew's nerves on edge. No barricade and a sea of fans pushing to get closer to them with only a kitchen counter for protection made him feel like they were starring in a low budget Train to Busan.

Gulf didn't complain beyond letting out an excited, " _Wow!_ " when they arrived, but Mew could see the nervousness in his rapid blinking and swaying legs. Seeing Gulf anxious, made Mew anxious. So he kept him close the entire time with one hand on the small of his back or the curve of his hip. He tried to forget the brief moment his hand had slipped a bit lower, grabbing at what he thought was Gulf's soft waist but instead groping at his ass. Gulf had jumped and he'd slid it up quickly, the back of his neck going hot. Neither of them had mentioned it.

But staying glued to Gulf hadn't helped much, because the MC couldn't keep her hands off of him. He had to drag Gulf away every time she tried to grab him and arrange them both like Ken Dolls.

And now, he was seeing that even as they left someone had managed to cop a feel of Gulf.

"What the hell is this?" Mew snapped, as he watched the video, again and again, too angry to turn off the automatic replay.

"What is it, Phi?" Gulf asked absent-mindedly. He was playing games in Mew's lap, long legs stretched across Mew's thighs with one of his big hands wrapped around the curve of Gulf's ankle. They had just eaten a midnight dinner, courtesy of Mew's housekeeper. They'd showered right after and curled up in Mew's bed, their bodies red and intertwined.

"Mae, we have work again tomorrow," Mew had heard Gulf whine on his phone in the hallway when he thought Mew was still in the bathroom, "It just makes more sense for me to stay with P'Mew tonight." Some nights it did make more sense, but tonight was not one of those nights. They didn't have work tomorrow.

Usually, Mew would have protested against Gulf lying to his mother. He would never admit it to Gulf because it was too embarrassing and delusional for him to even be worrying about, but he wanted her to know he respected them. That he would never encourage Gulf to be disobedient or lie to his parents. But today he was selfish because he wasn't technically supposed to overhear that conversation and the day had been _long_. He needed his Nong to recharge. He would bring Gulf's mother a gift when he brought him home the next morning, an apology for stealing away her son.

"Stop playing ROV," Mew said, pinching at Gulf's calve and then soothing the skin with the same fingers. "What is this?"

Gulf looked annoyed when he let his phone fall on his face, sitting up on both elbows to look at Mew. He snatched Mew's phone and watched the video with a blank expression before Mew saw some recognition light up his eyes.

"O- _h_ ," Gulf said, "I forgot." He chose his words carefully and Mew knew it was for him. He wasn't a stranger to Mew's moods and possessiveness.

"Gulf, this isn't okay."

"Phi," Gulf whined, giving him a look. "I just want to forget about it. The event was so...much, and I'm so tired."

"Yai Nong," Mew chided, "Even if you were tired, you should have told me. Or P'Best. If you let them touch you like that once, they'll do it again."

"I know," Gulf said, avoiding his eyes. He looked like a scolded child, but also like he was thinking of something else. Like he had something else on his mind. It pricked at Mew's incessant need to know everything about Gulf.

Mew squeezed his hand on Gulf's ankle before sliding it up and patting his thigh. "Come up here. Sit in my lap."

Gulf's legs wriggled uncertainly before he did as he was told, awkwardly crawling up the bed and lying back between the V of Mew's thighs. Mew pulled him back with a soft noise and crossed his arms across his chest. He noticed that Gulf kept his cellphone tight in his hold the entire time.

"You know you can tell me anything right?" Mew murmured into the crook of Gulf's neck. Gulf shivered before he nodded, reaching up to hold onto Mew's arm.

"I know."

"I won't get mad."

Gulf nodded again, and Mew felt his patience thin.

"I know."

"If you know, then why do you keep saying that?" he asked.

Gulf's breath stuttered before he pulled his phone out and wordlessly scrolled down to a text conversation. He passed it to Mew and didn't look at him.

"What am I looking at?" Mew said, confused.

"I haven't answered my girlfriend's texts in three weeks."

 _Oh_.

He knew what she looked like because he'd seen her on Gulf's camera roll and his personal pictures. It was different seeing her as a cute little icon, her cheek pressed to Gulf's and a bunny filter on both of their heads.

He scrolled back and saw text after text unanswered, with the last one getting a reply from Gulf in mid-November. A flat, "Cute" to a picture of Poom in a change room.

She'd sent more risqué pictures since and Gulf hadn't said a word.

"Gulf."

" _I know_ ," Gulf said, pointedly, "I...don't think I love her anymore, Phi."

Mew's heart soared in his chest and he tried to bring it back down to earth, to be logical and realistic. Just because Gulf didn't love his girlfriend didn't mean he did love Mew.

"That's not bad, Nong," Mew said, stroking his tummy. Gulf's waist was so small, his hand almost entirely spanned it. "People outgrow each other all the time."

"But she tolerated me the longest," Gulf said, "We were together for two years, Phi." He said two years like they were twenty.

"Tolerated?" Mew said, gently offended as he nosed at Gulf's neck and tried to cheer him up. "She didn't tolerate you. Don't say that about yourself."

"It's just the truth. I've never been good at love. I've never even been in a relationship this long and now it's just...over."

"You're twenty-two." Mew tried not to laugh. It dissipated when he peered down and saw the red glaze to Gulf's eyes. He rapidly tried to blink them back but one stray tear escaped and stained his cheek. Mew made a cooing noise and nosed against it, causing one after the other to fall. Gulf moaned in anguish and covered his face.

"Yai Nong," Mew hummed sadly in his ear, rocking him, "So many people are going to love you. What are you worried about?"

_I already do._

He kissed the back of his neck and the top of his head and held Gulf together while he cried.

"That's enough now, okay?" He was worried that if Gulf kept crying, he might start. It physically hurt to see him like this, leaving Mew torn between wanting to destroy the source, or simply to hide Gulf away where no one could hurt him like this again. If only heartache was that simple.

"Yeah," Gulf sniffled, "It's enough." He dragged a hand down his face and wiped away his tears. "Ugh, I feel like _you_."

"Hey!" Mew said, playfully hitting his head. "Tonight, you're the crybaby."

"Yes," Gulf said, in a tiny indignant voice, "I am. And this baby wants to go to sleep. That's why I didn't want to also think about the cheek...thing."

"But it still bothered you."

"P'Mew, of course, it bothered me," Gulf said. He bit his lip, like he felt guilty to admit it. "You know I don't like it when people touch me."

 _Except for you_ , went unsaid.

Mew hated the thought of Gulf having all these worries and sharing none of them with him. And worse, of him carrying all of this alone.

"Next time, tell me," Mew said, nudging against his cheek, "You know I'm always here to listen to your problems. No matter what they're about. Let me carry some of the burden."

Gulf looked down silently, only releasing a gust of air when Mew squeezed him in his arms. Mew held him even tighter.

"Next time," Gulf finally said, grabbing onto Mew's thumb and giving it a squeeze. The size difference was so endearing, Mew stroked the soft fingers in return. "I'll talk to you. I really didn't mean to keep a secret."

Mew was about to tell Gulf that it was fine to have secrets, even from him, but the words evaporated when Gulf leaned back and sniff kissed his cheek to apologize.

"Thank you for listening to me," Gulf whispered before he turned in Mew's arms and pointedly faced the wall. He held firmly onto Mew's arm and his phone lay at the foot of the bed, forgotten.

Gulf was so adorable, Mew just wanted to eat him. Instead he turned off the lights and curled around him, waiting until Gulf's breath evened out so he could pull out his own phone.

"Good boy," Mew thoughtlessly murmured as he stroked Gulf's hair, "Too good, sometimes."

With Gulf in his arms, he tweeted, "Don't touch Nong's cheek like this. I'm possessive over him."

When he fell asleep after, he had a cinematic nightmare that featured the audience from CentralWorld as Korean-style zombies, and them at the centre of it all. The MC ended up turning Gulf. It was silly and nonsensical, but that didn't stop the momentary jolt he experienced when he woke up with cold sweat on his brow.

"Mmm?" Gulf moaned, half-asleep on his arm.

"I'm fine," Mew lied, "Go back to sleep."

* * *

They spent New Years together.

Gulf looked adorable, all puffy eyed and sleepy with Sai Sin wrapped around his head, courtesy of Mew. But it was a dangerous image because it was close to Sai Monkhon, which Gulf would wear when he got married.

Mew knew it wouldn't be to him. That knowledge made him hoard the sight greedily, taking more pictures than usual even though he couldn't post them anywhere. Maybe that was why he took so many.

Their hands hung between them, swinging as they left the temple, at least until Mew's tightened and pulled Gulf securely to his side.

"Be careful, Nong," he said, "Stay with Phi."

The street was awash with people who were pouring out of temples, restaurants, and bars. The countdown was over which meant New Year had officially begun. Noise filled the air, along with the metallic scent of fresh rain and sizzling meat from the stalls that lined the streets.

"There are too many people here," Gulf complained, clinging to his arm. Mew knew Gulf hated crowds and that knowledge made him hold on to him tighter, hand firmly on the small of his back.

"Yeah," he said, "We should get out of the street before it gets even busier."

" _Yah._ Let's not be hasty," Gulf said, pinching his bicep, "I'm so hungry, I could die. I only just woke up and came over here."

"I'll buy you something somewhere else." The crowds pushing into them were pissing Mew off, even if it was just typical Bangkok foot traffic. He didn't like so many people casually touching Gulf, brushing against his arm or side.

"That's a waste of time, isn't it? We're already on this street." Gulf visibly perked up, his eyes widening, "And I can smell pad kraprow!"

"You had it for breakfast."

"P'Mew," Gulf whined, "Don't be so serious. It's New Years'."

Mew didn't know if it was New Years' or the Sai Sin still wrapped around Gulf's head but he was herding Gulf towards the smell within minutes.

"I really give in to you," he grumbled to himself. _Every single time._

"What was that?" Gulf asked. He pointed at his ear, showing that he was unable to hear him over the noise.

"Nothing," Mew said, shaking his head, "Just tell me what you want."

Mew's ear grew hot and clammy when Gulf leaned in and cupped his hand to whisper, "Pad kraprow and oliang, Pho."

His jaw clenched and Gulf gave him a cheeky smile.

"Thank you," Gulf teased before he sniff kissed his cheek.

The streets were crowded enough that they drew no attention, but Mew was still surprised.

He leaned in like he was going to sniff him back before he stopped and whispered, "You're a brat," before wheeling Gulf in to properly hold him securely in his arms.

"I'm not!" Gulf said, indignantly, "I'm a good boy. I said please. I said thank you!" Mew gave Gulf a little pinch, making him giggle.

When it was their turn, Mew was forced to lean over the hot grill and yell Gulf's order. It was the only way to be heard over the hustle and bustle of the street.

Gulf was significantly redder when he looked back. Too red for the cool season.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Mew asked, resting his palm on his forehead, "If the grill is too hot for you we can move back until your food is ready."

"Nothing's wrong! Totally fine, Phi," Gulf said, oddly flustered before he gently rested his head against Mew's shoulder and avoided his eyes.

Mew would have had to start yelling to keep probing so he let Gulf hide against his shoulder, his heart aching when he realized that he was dozing off a bit. They were pressed shoulder to shoulder with people, and Mew's arms were the only thing shielding Gulf from the crowds. He pulled him closer.

_Does he really trust me that much?_

Mew didn't get more time to wonder as the vendor yelled their number.

"Thank you, Pa," Mew said, as he grabbed the bag. He grabbed Gulf's hand with his other.

They weaved their way out of the street after that, the crowds thinning as they got further away from the temples and bars.

"Give me that," Mew said, when Gulf tried to climb into the car and put the hot food in his lap, "You're going to fall asleep and drop it on the floor."

"Oh right," Gulf said. He obediently allowed Mew to strap him in and pluck the food from his hands. They made eye contact and Mew moved back abruptly like he had done something he wasn't supposed to do. "You know me so well," Gulf giggled, sounding drunk even though Mew knew he had drunk nothing. He trailed off and his words hung in the air.

"I just know Sleepy Gulf," Mew said, ruffling his downy head. He closed the car door and got in.

Gulf fell asleep against the window in seconds, just like Mew predicted. He was still asleep when Mew pulled into the parking lot of his condo.

"Nong," Mew said, running the back of his hand down Gulf's cheek. Gulf's mouth fell open and his head lolled to the side. He was too tempting, even asleep. Mew's jaw twitched and his efforts became more aggressive. " _Yai Nong_ ," he repeated, cupping his cheek. He stroked it and the soft velvet of Gulf's ear until he blinked awake.

"We're here," Mew said in a low voice, "Come on, it's time to wake up."

"Nngh," Gulf groaned, scrunching his face together. That was enough confirmation for Mew to come around and open Gulf's door. He was like a doe as Mew walked him up to his unit, shaky and leaning on him for support.

"Do you need me to put you to bed too?" Mew asked when they came to his door. It was a tease, more of a threat to shock Gulf into waking up, but a small part of him wanted Gulf to stay limp and pliant, to allow Mew to put him to bed for real.

Unfortunately, Gulf perked up and nearly butted his head with his.

"I'm awake!" Gulf said, and quickly undercut it with a yawn that warmed Mew's face. Anyone else's hot breath would have made him gag but Gulf's made him lean in.

"I'm really awake," Gulf assured him again while continuing to yawn. He smacked his lips when he was done, some his senses returning.

"Thank you for taking me out tonight," Gulf said, sleepy but sincere, "I usually just sleep through New Years'."

Mew knew that much. He had called Gulf's mother after Gulf sent him to voicemail four times and made him worry, only for her to tell him that Gulf was most likely sleeping like he did every New Years'. Apparently, he'd been unofficially barred from their family New Years' visits to the temple after he'd embarrassed them all in 2018 by falling asleep and toppling on neighbouring visitors.

Mew had to press his phone to his shoulder to laugh when Khun Mae had recounted the story to him on the phone earlier.

"But don't think we're being too harsh on him," Gulf's mother said, "He hated waking up to come in the first place." Which was why Mew hadn't expected Gulf to call him back at all.

"Why didn't you?" Mew asked. Gulf had the perfect excuse to ignore the message Mew had left with his mother.

_I wanted to take Gulf to the temple for New Years' merit._

Gulf leaned against his door and crossed his arms over his chest. A movement to distance. Mew must have made him uncomfortable.

“Never mind, it doesn't ma—"

"Because you wanted to spend New Years' with me."

Mew jolted.

Gulf gave him a shy smile and added, “How could I say no?”

“Really?" he asked, a little smug, "You can’t say no to me?”

He smiled like a cheshire cat as he placed one hand on the door behind Gulf’s head and the other on his waist, drawing him in.

“Really,” Gulf said, “And you can’t say no to me either.”

“How do you figure that?” Mew asked.

Gulf looked too embarrassed to elaborate, even though a blind man could see how whipped he was for Gulf.

“Phi always takes care of me,” Gulf said bluntly, “When we fight, Phi always ngors first. When I’m sad...Phi makes me feel better.” Mew envied how honest Gulf could be even when he was shy. Sometimes, Mew felt like the bigger liar between them, even if his actions showed all the things he was too afraid to say.

“Phi eats spicy food and pork because I like it...and Phi always gives in to me.”

Mew didn’t allow himself to hope.

Not during workshops, filming, or promotions, and definitely not now when the excuses to see each other were about to quickly run out. This time next year, they might even be closer to acquaintances than friends.

The prospect was intolerable.

"Of course," Mew said, with importance, "You're my..."

They'd gotten closer as they spoke. So close that Mew didn't see Gulf lean in until he was kissing him.

It took him seconds to react, long enough for Gulf to fall back and look at him with big anxious eyes.

"P'Mew?" he said in a tiny voice, "Was that—"

Mew kissed him properly, one big hand on Gulf's face and his hot tongue licking into Gulf's soft mouth.

Gulf moaned into it and his fingers curled into Mew's sweatshirt, twitching helplessly as they kissed for the first time, solely as themselves.

 _It's different_ , Mew thought. They had done this tens of times before but Gulf had never tasted so sweet or been so pliant. Maybe that was the difference between work and reality. Unlike his character, Gulf always gave in to him.

"Mmph," Gulf whined when Mew pulled away and started kissing at his neck, leaving a trail of cartoonish spit from Gulf's lips to his collar. "P'Mew," he whined, holding on to his shoulders, and Mew was suddenly very aware that he was debauching Gulf in a hallway with CCTV.

"You..." Mew said, dragging himself away from his neck, "What? Nong, when—"

"Kiss me again," Gulf said, "please just kiss me again."

Mew needed to get them inside but he needed to kiss Gulf more. He jangled around in Gulf's pockets, mouthing at his cheek and his neck until he felt his Doraemon keychain and he could let them both in.

They backed inside almost instantly and Mew slammed the door behind him with one foot.

"I have, I..." Gulf gasped, and Mew hushed him with another kiss, picking him half-off his feet and heaving him into his arms once they were a few steps from the bedroom.

"Calm down," Mew said, and then he laid Gulf out on the bed. He was strawberry red and panting and Mew hadn't done a thing. "Nothing's going to happen tonight."

He thought that would calm Gulf down. Instead, Gulf faltered and looked like he was about to start method acting.

"I just want to do this right," Mew suddenly said. He wished he could have continued kissing Gulf or even fucked him, but Gulf was too important for that. And Mew was too old to make the same mistake twice.

"I would rather never touch you again than hurt you," Mew said, "Do you understand?"

Gulf sat up slowly, staring at him with confused eyes.

"Phi," he said, after a pause. He held Mew's hand. "That would never happen. I know you'd never hurt me."

"Nong, people can surprise you."

"Phi would never surprise me like that."

Gulf's confidence in him was staggering, feeling both like a badge and a burden. Mew didn't want to betray his trust.

"Gulf."

"P'Mew."

Mew leaned down to brush a wavy strand away from his determined face.

"Please just let me treat you the way you deserve," he said.

Gulf blushed and rolled his eyes. "Come on, _Phi_. I'm not a girl."

"No, you're just my precious Nong."

Gulf's breath hitched in surprise before he smiled and held Mew's hand to his cheek.

"And you're just my precious Phi."

 _I love you_ , Mew thought. _I love you but it's too much too soon, and I can't be selfish._

"So... _slow_ ," Gulf said with a whistle, "I can do slow."

"We can do slow," Mew said, and then he kissed him.

That night he dreamt of their wedding.

Gulf looked almost the same as he did on New Years' but now the white thread wrapped around his head was Sai Monkhon. The braid was thick and woven with jasmine, and Mew could feel it hanging around his own head too. But something was off.

Mew always thought he would get married by the water but the air was too earthy and crisp enough that he could tell they were high up. They were on a mountain, most likely at Gulf's request. Mew remembered he loved the mountains.

"Husband," Gulf said. They'd traded the names teasingly before. This was the first time Mew had ever heard him say it sincerely. He thought he could get addicted to the sound of Gulf calling him that.

"Can we go higher?" he begged, tugging on Mew's arm. It was a nightmare so it made perfect sense to concede to Gulf's request and follow him up a rocky ledge. How could he think about danger when Gulf was calling him husband so sweetly?

But then Gulf screamed.

Before Gulf fell, Mew woke with a gasp.

It was nearly four in the morning.

* * *

Mew joked about it too much for him to say it aloud without Gulf laughing in his face—but Gulf made him feel nineteen again.

They already saw each other almost every day. That quickly escalated to every single day, with Gulf consistently making a home on his lap, or his arms, or his _bed_.

He was trying to avoid the last one a second time because he didn't trust Gulf. He trusted himself even less.

They would start under the pretense of something realistic and sensible—usually playing one of those stupid twenty questions games that were meant to be played on first dates, like they hadn't already been living in each other's pockets for a year—but they always ended up in the same place.

Moaning into each other's mouths and groping each other.

 _This must be what Tony Stark feels like_ , Mew thought when Gulf straddled him over breakfast.

He had been trying to be thoughtful. Gulf had slept over at his condo after a late schedule and there was barely any food in the fridge because Mew never cooked.

He could have bought pad kraprow from a stall down the street or even ordered it, but he also knew Gulf. He was impressed by effort. So he woke up early and followed a simple tutorial. The results weren't even half bad. But you would think it was the best crispy pork Gulf had tasted in his twenty-two years for how quickly he swung into Mew's lap and started to _rock_.

"Wait," Mew said, a bit panicked even though Gulf was already kissing him, "I ate shrimp paste and mango while I was cooking."

Gulf moaned before kissing him again.

"Gulf!"

"I don't taste anything, Phi."

Mew tsked and rolled Gulf's cheeks between his palms, looking for any swelling or bumps. Luckily, he looked fine.

"Naughty," Mew said, letting his face go to spank his ass instead. Gulf yelped and arched off of him, resting on his knees. "What if you had a reaction!?"

"But I didn't?" Gulf joked, obviously not taking his concern seriously. He kissed Mew again and smiled down at him. Mew pulled him in closer, hoisting him up in his lap with his strong arms around his thighs, and under his ass. "Sorry. I just can't believe you cooked for me." He was near giddy with the fact. "I...I've never had a boyfriend cook for me."

Gulf was shy when he said it. He'd never had any boyfriend at all and Mew was glad to be the first and the last.

"Your girlfriends never did either?" Gulf shook his head and Mew decided that maybe it was something he could pick up.

"If I knew it was going to make you this happy I would have done it sooner," Mew said, "Though, I'm not very good."

"You're a hundred times better than me!" Gulf said, quick to defend Mew, even from himself, "I think I could burn ice."

"Then next time we can something cook together," Mew said, "I won't let you get burned." He squeezed Gulf's thighs as he said it and it made Gulf blush and look down, a perfect ingenue where he had just been boyish and overeager.

"Okay," Gulf said in a small voice.

"Okay," Mew said, trying not to tease him.

He loved all versions of Gulf, both the naughty boy and this shy one too.

 _We'll finish twenty questions another day_ , Mew lied to himself as they started to kiss again, this time gentle and unhurried.

There was no rush anyway. They had plenty of time.

* * *

They did not finish twenty questions another day.

* * *

After years of colourful nightmares, Mew never imagined that the one that came true would involve Twitter.

It ballooned out of proportion before any of them could get a handle on it.

Mew posted an innocent picture of Gulf making a cute face before he went to bed, and by the time he woke up, fans were comparing the setting to Gulf's ex's apartment. It was a PR nightmare, but worse than that, Gulf wasn't answering his calls.

That made Mew more panicked than anything else. That this was happening, it was all Mew's fault, and now Gulf was MIA.

He deleted it as soon as he saw the texts from Bosser and Bester but the damage had already been done. Hashtags calling Gulf a liar and a fake had sprouted overnight, dragging up old pictures of a fresh faced Gulf and his equally fresh faced ex. He hated it, both the violation of Gulf's privacy and the reminder that he had a whole life with her before he met Mew. But staring at the pictures, he couldn't muster up anything but guilt and anger, like he'd karmically engineered this whole situation by disliking her so much.

His self-pitying was interrupted by his phone lighting up with Gulf's face.

Mew almost broke the screen accepting the call.

"Gulf?" Mew asked, "Where are you? Are you okay? Please tell me you're at your parent's house." The security was better and the press couldn't crowd a domestic neighbourhood like they could crowd a condominium in downtown Bangkok.

"I'm at my parent's house," Gulf croaked. The lighting was dark and murky but Mew could see his tear-stained cheeks and puffy eyes, half-hidden in his familiar pink and blue bolster pillow.

Gulf sniffled and ran a hand across his face.

"My head hurts," he whispered, but it wasn't his usual needy whine. Only a flat fact. "Too much crying."

Mew made a sympathetic noise and wished he was with him instead of halfway across the city.

"My poor Nong. Do you need—"

Gulf shook his head. Usually, Mew would have kept talking but he looked so tired and defeated, he stopped.

"If you come they'll just follow your car. Or they'll come in through the gate. And if I go to your place..." Gulf shook his head again, "Too risky. It'll look bad."

Seeing Gulf act so pragmatic was unsettling.

"You don't need to worry about that kind of stuff."

"Don't I?" Gulf snapped, "So many of our fans hate me now, Phi." The fire in his voice instantly went out. "They all hate me," he repeated.

"Darling," Mew said, "Stop looking at your phone or I'll tell your mother to take it."

"You wouldn't," Gulf laughed even though he had started to cry at the same time, "And she definitely wouldn't. Mae believes in equity. As long as I haven't been bad."

"She would take it if I told her you were upsetting yourself," Mew said gently, "You shouldn't be looking at that stuff right now."

This was usually something Mew had a problem with. Gulf never cared about what people thought with the exception of those closest to him. But there was a difference between ignoring a few fans hating your haircut and what felt like the entire world calling you a liar.

Gulf attempted to smile but it turned into a thin wobbly thing that he tried to hide in his pillow.

"P'Mew," Gulf said, completely levelled. Then there was a truly awful moment before he burst into tears and Mew's heart broke in two. "P'Mew, I...I don't know what I'm going to do," he sobbed.

Mew had to sink his own nails into his palms to stop himself from crying too, because he couldn't be an ocean when Gulf needed a rock.

"You're going to look at me," Mew said, "And remember that I'm with you. If you're in trouble, I'm in trouble. If you're sad, then I'm sad."

Gulf sniffled as his tears slowed, and Mew wished he could wipe them away.

"I'm your boyfriend," Mew said, strongly, "I will never let you suffer by yourself, so please don't cry like you're all alone. I can't stand it."

Gulf's eyes were still wet but he looked less sad and more tired.

"We'll talk about what _we're_ going to do tomorrow," Mew said, making sure to stress the 'we'. Gulf had to know he wasn't alone in this. "After you take a shower and eat something. Have you eaten today, sweetheart?"

Gulf shook his head and sniffled.

"Do you want me to order you something?"

"Foodpanda," Gulf said, a little too quickly, "I want—"

"You order the same thing every time. I got it." Gulf was a creature of habit. He would probably eat pad kraprow for every meal if he could.

He pouted. "You wouldn't have to memorize my takeout order if you just gave me your credit card."

Despite being a lover of takeout and street food, Gulf was a notorious penny pincher who would eat a bowl of plain rice before paying for non-essentials. He wouldn't even have a regular takeout order if Mew didn't love spoiling him so much. It irritated Mew who was always worried about his weight, trying to get Gulf to finish his meals and eat just a little bit more.

"If you had asked I would have given it to you," Mew said honestly, "Here."

He pressed and sent pictures of his card to Gulf on LINE.

"P'Mew," Gulf said, mouth gaping when he got the notification, "I was only joking! Are you crazy? What if I..I wanted to defraud you!?"

Mew snorted at Gulf's dramatics.

"Only crazy for you," he teased, blowing him a kiss. "And are you planning to defraud me? Is the jig now up?"

"No!" Gulf laughed and it made some of Mew's anger at this situation cool. "But...Phi, you shouldn't trust people so easily. Credit card numbers are very sensitive information. I could buy hot noodles every day with this."

 _Cute_ , Mew thought, _too cute._ Gulf sounded like he was reciting notes from a first year Intro to Finance course.

"I trust Nong," Mew said simply.

_I love Nong and I want Nong to eat more._

_Nong can order hot noodles every day if it makes him smile._

"So trust Phi, okay? Everything will be better tomorrow."

Gulf's became glassy and he nodded but he didn't say another word.

Mew knew it was so he wouldn't cry.

* * *

The next day, Gulf looked puffy eyed and small in the green shirt he was swimming in. He folded himself into Mew's embrace as soon as he saw him.

"Yai Nong," Mew tsked, frowning as he pressed his thumbs into the swollen skin under Gulf's eyes. He looked like he had cried all night.

"Don't worry there's no more where that came from. I think I cried myself dry."

"Drink some water," Mew said, a bit forceful as he shoved his own cone of water to Gulf's lips.

Gulf drank it quickly and curled right back into Mew's arms. That's where he stayed until the show started, settled on Mew's lap and staring blankly at their intertwined fingers. Mew gently read the program to him, Gulf's periodic nods being the only indication that he was listening to Mew's words.

Mew could see Bosser watching them from the corner of his eye but he didn't say a word until he approached.

"Can I talk to you?" Bosser asked.

"Yeah?" Mew answered, only briefly looking away from Gulf to answer him.

Bosser looked uncomfortable. "Alone."

"I'm not leaving Gulf alone right now," Mew said firmly, even though the event hadn't started yet.

Bosser glanced down at Gulf who didn't even look back. He was too out of it to notice.

He leaned down and whispered in Mew's ear, "Ease up a bit. You're scaring the makeup girls." He patted Mew's shoulder and looked like he wanted to pat Gulf's too, but thought better of it before he sauntered off.

"P'Boss is right," Gulf said in a small voice.

Mew jumped a bit. Gulf hadn't said a word in at least thirty minutes.

"I'm not usually affected and even I can tell your aura is scary today, Pho."

Mew had heard it enough from staff members and fans. His eyes were dark and sharp and he unsettled a lot of people. He had come to terms with it, even if it hurt his feelings sometimes. But Gulf finding him scary was another thing. It made him feel twisted and dark like he did when he was standing in Gulf's doorway on Samet island.

"Does it scare you too?" Mew asked moodily.

Gulf shook his head.

"No, Phi never scares me," Gulf said in a quiet voice. It made Mew hold him a little tighter and lean in to hear him better. Gulf looked the most present he had been since he arrived when he said, "I even like it. Phi always makes me feel safe."

He didn't get a chance to ask Gulf to stroke his male ego some more because Bester quickly interrupted them and within minutes they were being pulled to their opposite starting points backstage.

_I wish I could scare away the press too._

Gulf was off kilter and shy for the rest of the event. He leaned into Mew a bit too delicately and without any of his usual humour. He was...fragile, Mew decided. It made his protective instincts flare, leading Gulf more than usual and always making sure he was at his back, even though they both knew Gulf had to do the inevitable.

Mew was hesitant to leave when the time finally arrived, reporters slowly filling up the room.

Gulf squeezed his hand. There wasn't enough time for all the things he wanted to say so Mew only whispered, "Everything is going to be fine. Trust Phi," before he let go and allowed Gulf to be swallowed by the locusts called paparazzi.

Their interviews went by in a flurry of bright lights and brighter faces with the both of them not getting a chance to breath until they were in the back of Bosser's van, with Gulf leaning on Mew's shoulder, his fingers safely interlocked with his.

"Come here. Are you okay?" Mew asked. He ran his thumb across the back of Gulf's hand, preemptively soothing him.

"I'm...okay. It went fine," Gulf said. He sounded tired and far away, like he wasn't even there. Mew knew how even normal social interactions sometimes drained Gulf. "Just like Phi said."

Mew sighed with relief and kissed their joined hands.

Gulf didn't say any more but he allowed Mew to stroke and caress him, even though he wasn't crying or upset. Mew could always read him without big emotional displays.

By the time they arrived at the Jongcheveevat manor, Gulf was as relaxed as a baby.

Mew's nightmare that night wasn't as creative as usual, because reality was so bad. But it was terrifying. It featured an almost identical play by play of the day. Gulf disappeared into the swarm of reporters after squeezing Mew's hand, but this time he didn't come out.

Gulf's confession kept echoing in his head.

"Phi always makes me feel safe."

_How safe can you really keep him when all you could do today was stand there?_

Mew woke up to an empty bed and with his heart in his throat, at least until he heard Gulf's laugh quickly overlapped with Jom's.

"You're a cheater," Gulf said, in between giggles, "Just like your brother."

"We're not cheaters! We're just smarter than you."

Listening to two of the people he loved most tease each other was enough to banish the dream from his mind. By the time he fell asleep the second time, he had completely forgotten it.

* * *

They had sex for the first time an hour after Mew turned twenty-nine.

To be frank, Mew couldn't even really believe that Gulf was standing there on his porch a few minutes past midnight. He felt like he was still dreaming and had to rapidly blink the sleep from his eyes until Gulf looked more real.

"How did you even get here? Aren't you tired?" Mew asked, concerned. Gulf was still wearing the white suit from his earlier schedule and his golden brow was dotted with sweat. Bester stood behind him filming the entire thing. He clearly hadn't gone home at all.

"No!" Gulf said, with a smile, "How can I be tired when it's Phi's birthday? Come, let's eat the cake."

"You can't eat the cake."

"I can _pretend_ to eat the cake," Gulf said cutely, "Besides why are you thinking of me? It's your cake and your birthday."

Mew couldn't help it, he was always thinking of Gulf. Ironically, on today more than others. He knew Gulf couldn't come because of his schedule and he had accepted it. He knew it couldn't be helped. That didn't stop him from moping and being moodier than usual. And then here was Gulf, blowing past all the disappointments he had expected from this day without him having the slightest clue.

"Did you know about this?" he asked Bosser.

Bosser shrugged and smirked. "You underestimate Nong Gulf."

Maybe Mew did.

He allowed Gulf to usher all of them into the dining table and disappear into the kitchen to get plates. It made him warm, that Gulf was able to find everything without much trouble like Mew's house was his own.

"Plates!" Gulf said, holding too many plates and cups in one hand.

"Give them to me," Mew said, quickly taking them from him, "Let me serve the food."

"P'Mew," Gulf whined, "It's your birthday, let me do something for once!"

"What if you accidentally touch the salmon!?" Mew asked, urgently, "You can...get us water."

"I didn't touch it when I carried it to your door."

"And we should keep it that way."

"P'Mew."

" _I_ can serve the food," Bosser said, with a roll of his eyes. "Though I don't think I'll eat myself. I gotta get back to the city and it's late."

 _Please leave quicker_ , Mew thought, and it must have shown on his face because Bosser gave him a dry, knowing look before he hugged him goodbye.

"Nong, do you need a ride home?" Bester whispered to Gulf. Mew perked up to listen for Gulf's answer.

Gulf hesitated before saying, "No. It's okay P'Best. I can sleep over at P'Mew's tonight...if he doesn't mind?"

It wasn't a question that needed to be asked.

"Why are you being so formal?" Mew laughed. He pulled Gulf to his side and gave him a little jostle. Gulf blushed, even though he'd done worse ten times over by now.

"It's Phi's birthday," Gulf said, waving his hands like that explained anything.

 _Strange. Very strange._ Mew would be pressing on that bruise later.

"Of course he can sleep here tonight," Mew told Bester, "I'll text Khun Mae."

After they said their goodbyes to Bosser and Bester, the silence in the house felt louder. The space between them, more pronounced. Even the air felt charged.

Mew strode over and did what he'd wanted to do since Gulf arrived. He kissed him, with gusto and tongue. Gulf moaned in surprise before he pushed him away, looking dazed.

"Phi," Gulf said, slightly breathless as he rested his hands against his neck, "I'm still dirty."

"Do you need to be clean for me to kiss you?" Mew asked, raising a brow before he kissed him again. More strange behaviour. Gulf would lie in Mew's bed after a soccer game if Mew let him, but now _he_ was the one reminding Mew that he hadn't showered?

When they parted, Mew gave his ass a squeeze and Gulf leaned into it.

"You're right though, you should go take a shower."

"What about the...the..." Gulf could barely remember what they were supposed to be doing and it made Mew proud.

"Salmon isn't what I'm hungry for right now."

Gulf rolled his eyes and hit his chest, but he smiled.

"Terrible."

Mew laughed and tucked a stray strand behind Gulf's ear.

"Go, take a shower. I'll take care of this."

Mew expected Gulf to pretend to complain some more, but he just pecked Mew's cheek obediently before quietly shuffling up the stairs. When Mew finally put away the food and the cutlery Gulf had brought out, Gulf was already lying on his bed.

 _Slow_ , Mew reminded himself, _we are taking things slow_. It was what they had agreed upon almost two months ago. It was hard to remember when Gulf looked like _that_.

He was the perfect temptation, freshly showered and strewn across Mew’s bed in only Mew's shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. His thighs were casually spread, one leg hoisted up to his chest while he played games on his phone.

The position he was in was one Mew might put him in if he fucked him on his side. _Gulf wouldn't even need to hold his leg up_ , Mew thought, his brain conjuring a heady daydream of how he would do it. He could keep Gulf folded in half with one arm.

 _But does Gulf know that?_ , Mew thought, doubting him for a second. _Does he even know what he looks like?_

For as much Mew knew Gulf wanted him, he also knew he had only ever been in relationships with women. Mew was the first man to ever have him, and he had never once considered if Gulf wanted to be fucked or not.

"What are you playing?" Mew asked.

His suspicion piked high for the third time when instead of excitedly flipping his phone around to show him, Gulf almost flung it to the other side of the bed.

_Ok, that's enough._

He climbed onto the bed, making sure to bracket Gulf in his arms as he did.

"What are you doing?" Gulf asked.

"Eating," Mew said before he took a cartoonish bite out of Gulf's neck,"Mmm, chocolate."

Gulf giggled and clutched at his shoulders, so cute that Mew almost lost sight of his cellphone that had fallen into the folds of the duvet. Almost.

"I'm not your cake," Gulf protested, but he laid back and allowed Mew to playfully nuzzle at his neck and kiss his soft cheeks. Even that wasn't quite right because by now, Gulf should be pliant. His legs should have parted around Mew's waist, not tightened like Mew was someone else.

_Someone else._

Gulf would never cheat on him. Even if he stopped loving him, or never loved him, or only loved him as a brother, he knew Gulf would never do that. Gulf was not _him_ , or her, or any of the others who had come before him. He was precious. Possibly the most precious thing that had ever belonged to him.

It was that, which had him quickly grabbing Gulf's phone next to his head.

"P'Mew!" Gulf yelled, abruptly sitting up and reaching for his arm.

"I just want to see what you're playing," Mew said, but he lost all his fire when he saw the panic on Gulf's face. What was he even doing? He'd been here before and he told himself he wasn't going to end up here again. This insidious possessive place that he thought was bad before Gulf, but had evolved into another beast entirely once he fell for him.

Mew wordlessly gave the phone back to Gulf before collapsing on top of him.

"Phi?" Gulf asked, confused. He should be furious. Mew would be, if anyone tried to take his phone from him.

"I'm sorry," Mew said, "That wasn't fair of me."

"You're right, it wasn't," Gulf said tentatively, "But it's not a big deal."

"It is," Mew insisted, "Because I always do this."

Gulf started running his fingers down Mew's back, inviting him to say more.

"Get possessive...and insecure. I'm so possessive over you, Nong."

"I know that already," Gulf said, simple and without judgement, "Phi, I know everything about you."

"You don't know how bad I can get," Mew said honestly, "I'm so possessive I saw you hide your phone from me and conjured up an elaborate cheating scenario within thirty seconds."

Gulf's fingers stilled.

"You don't really think—" He sounded panicked, and a little offended.

"No," Mew said, cutting him off. "That's my whole point. When I love someone...I can't think straight."

Mew pulled away and held himself over Gulf with one hand, finally looking down at him. He looked completely overwhelmed. It wasn't the first time either had said _love_ to each other but for a brief illogical second, Mew wondered if it was too much. He was always just too much.

"Oh my God," Gulf said, screwing his eyes shut in exasperation. "If you knew what I was actually looking at..." He was embarrassed again, over something secretive that Mew couldn't place, like he was when he asked Mew to sleep over. He reached for some vague spot in the duvet, grabbed his phone, and shoved it in Mew's other hand.

"Here," he said, and then he crossed his arms over his face.

Mew knew Gulf's phone password by heart so he opened it quickly. His curiosity was stronger than his morals.

 _Should Anal Sex Hurt? A Sex Therapist Weighs In_ stared back at him.

Mew's eyebrows rose to his hairline. He opened the other 10 tabs and they all had similar titles.

_11 Tips to Have Great Anal Sex_

_Anal Sex Guide For Beginners_

_How to have Anal Sex_

_Does Anal Sex have any risks?_

_20 Blow Job Tips Every Girl Should Keep In Mind_

Mew had to close the browser after reading the last one.

He slowly placed the phone back on the bed and looked at Gulf. His arms were still crossed over his face and he looked like he wanted the bed to open up and swallow him whole.

"Yai Nong," Mew tried, in a crooning tone. It lost its effectiveness when he sounded like he was going to laugh.

"Don't laugh at me," Gulf said, in a petulant voice.

Mew reconsidered his approach and what he knew about Gulf. Gulf was twenty-two. Gulf had never been with a man. Mew was the first man he'd ever been with. Mew was the first man Gulf had ever been with...and Gulf was looking at articles like that. On Mew's birthday.

"I won't laugh," Mew promised, sincerely, "I just want you to look at me."

Gulf grumbled but slowly slid his hands down his face before he turned his face to the wall and screwed his eyes closed.

Mew placed his other hand on Gulf's jaw, and turned him back to face him.

"Gulf," he said, "It's really not that embarrassing."

"It's very embarrassing."

"If you're too embarrassed to talk about sex then we shouldn't be having it."

That got Gulf to open his eyes. He was as red as a cherry, with hot cheeks and rumpled hair from their roughhousing for the phone. He looked adorable.

Then he said, "I want to have sex with you."

Mew choked.

"Okay," he said, trying to sound as neutral as possible.

Gulf looked even more frustrated. "I want Phi to fuck me."

Mew made a short noise in surprise, staring down at Gulf with dark eyes. Gulf was getting redder and redder but he kept talking like he couldn't stop. The flood gates had been opened.

"I've wanted Phi to fuck me for a long time but I wanted to respect what you wanted," Gulf said, "You wanted to go slow. I know everyone thinks I'm stupid or I don't get things, but I knew why. I think I might just be selfish."

Gulf nodded like he believed it, and Mew felt sick. How long had Gulf been worried about this?

"I wanted you so bad that I thought this would be the perfect opportunity for us to...you know," Gulf whispered, like he hadn't just said fuck twice, "But I didn't even think about what Phi wants." His voice was starting tremble as his rant ran out of steam, and that was unacceptable.

"Gulf," Mew cut him off. He felt like he was about to lose his mind. "I want to fuck you so bad that I have to jerk off before and after I see you so I don't get hard in public."

Gulf's eyes widened into dinner plates.

"I want to fuck you so bad that when I saw you lying here, all I could think about was fucking you on your side. And your back. And your stomach. Especially on your stomach," Mew leaned down and took a long drag of his neck, and when he pulled back Gulf's eyes were half-lidded. "And when you wear these little _shorts—_ "

Gulf pressed a finger to his lips.

Mew stopped, his eyes caught in Gulf's.

"Actions speak louder than words, Pho," Gulf said, in a quiet voice. It was an open invitation.

Mew heaved Gulf into his arms and up the bed, lowering him with the same amount of care most people reserved for fine china or small children.

Usually Gulf would complain at Mew handling him even more delicately than usual, but he stayed quiet and nervous, only fidgeting as Mew gently stroked his head, cheek, and neck.

"P'Mew," Gulf said, when he caressed him for a little too long, "Come on." He wriggled his hips impatiently.

"This is my birthday present, isn't it?" Mew asked, "Not the salmon cake."

Gulf bit his lip but nodded.

"Then let me enjoy it at my own pace," Mew said. He pressed a kiss to the frustrated furrow that had developed between Gulf's eyes. "My best present."

Despite his words he made quick work of Gulf's basketball shorts, tugging them down his long legs. It felt like a gift unwrapping as Mew revealed miles of golden skin, long toned legs, and Gulf's pretty pink cock at the centre of it all. It was hard and the head was leaking but still so cute that Mew wanted to nuzzle against it. As if he knew what Mew was thinking, Gulf was quick to wrap his legs around his waist and cling to his shoulders.

"Good boy," Mew murmured against his temple.

Gulf made a happy noise in reply that quickly turned into a squeak when Mew pushed his shirt up to nose at his chest. He kissed at his soft nipples, nuzzling them a bit because they were adorable before he started to suck.

"Nnh!" Gulf moaned, reaching up to clutch at his hair. Mew didn't stop him from holding on as he laved and bit at the nubs, only letting up when they were swollen and red in his mouth.

"Cute," Mew teased, as he rolled one bud between two fingers.

It wasn't the first time they'd done anything in bed but it was the first time they'd done it like _this_. Mew entirely clothed and Gulf entirely naked, ready to be fucked. He felt secure like this. Nothing could hurt Gulf with Mew on top of him.

“Is this what you wanted?” Mew asked, while he pulled Gulf's nipple between his teeth.

“Uh-huh," Gulf nodded, his eyes half-closed. Every time his fingers twitched in Mew's hair, Mew felt emboldened. "Feels good but I want...more."

"More?"

Gulf nodded and Mew bit down, both punishing him for complaining and ordering him to elaborate, to let Mew knew what _more_ was so he could give him more and then some.

"Daddy could be a little rougher with me."

Mew inhaled sharply.

Gulf called him Khun Phi and Pho, but it was the first time he had ever called him _daddy_. Mew was so turned on he was worried that his nose would start bleeding.

" _Fuck_ ," he hissed, one of the rare times he used actual profanity around Gulf. Gulf picked up on it too and made a surprised noise, staring up at Mew with wide eyes. He shouldn't be allowed to look that innocent when he clearly wasn't. "You're driving me crazy. Who taught you to talk like that?"

Gulf shrugged shyly, but that wasn't good enough.

Mew situated himself more firmly on the bed, so the bulge of his cock was pressed right up against the soft seam of Gulf's ass. Gulf's own cock was pretty in pink, but Mew ignored it to rut against his ass, slowly but steadily. Gulf let out a soft and wanton _ah_ , every time he did, holding onto him for purchase.

"Hm?" Mew asked, in a low voice.

"Y—you did, of course," Gulf said, even though Mew suspected it was a lie. The idea of Gulf jerking off to bad porn to know how to please Mew should have been a turn on, but it just pissed him off. _Why did Gulf need to watch another man?_ Mew thought bitterly, even though Gulf had definitely watched porn before now. He wasn't logical when it came to Gulf.

"Who else would I call daddy?"

Gulf bit down on Mew's neck and squeaked when Mew suddenly hoisted his leg up, and spanked his ass. After a brief moment, he spanked him again, making sure to pull his strength and not let it leak into his hands.

Mew dug his fingers into the skin and spread the cheeks just because he could, dipping in a finger or two and giving the softest part of Gulf a squeeze.

Gulf's eyes became hazy and timid as Mew fondled him but he didn't complain. It was one of Mew's favourite things about Gulf. He could play like a tease but as soon as Mew got his hands on him he became pliable putty.

"I'm the only one," Mew growled into his mouth before he wrapped one big hand around Gulf's dick. Gulf let out a high cry, forced to moan against Mew's lips.

"Does that feel good too?" Mew asked, breaking their kiss. He tried to lean back to see for himself but Gulf clutched him and moaned in protest.

"It feels good," Gulf said, sounding choked, "It feels good Phi, so please don't leave me."

"Phi isn't going anywhere," Mew assured him, but Gulf didn't let go. "Phi would never leave you, sweetheart."

That did it. Gulf's fingers loosened just enough that Mew could coax his fingers off and lean back to watch his pink cock spurt in his hand. Gulf was a respectable size, but in Mew's hand he looked small. When Mew closed his fingers around it, the only thing he could see was the leaking head.

"How are you this wet?" Mew asked, in a low voice.

Gulf covered his face with his hands, humiliated and moaning as Mew's pace quickened, jerking him off so fast that the wet noise echoed through the room.

"Don't do that," Mew said gently. He squeezed Gulf's cock until he moaned, and wetness leaked from between Mew's knuckles. "Show Phi your cute face."

Gulf shakily lowered his hands. His face was red and wet, and he looked well fucked, even though Mew hadn't gotten close yet.

"P'Mew is mean," Gulf said, glaring up at him weakly, "You're being so mean to me."

"If I was mean, I'd leave right now," Mew said, in a low voice. He wasn't serious but Gulf sobered up quickly, until he smiled, "You're lucky your Phi is so kind."

He leaned over Gulf and started jerking him again in earnest. He enjoyed the way Gulf's calves felt swung over his thighs, and how his mouth hung open when he was about to come.

"P'Mew," Gulf whined, the word punctuated with the wet mess Mew was making between his legs. He kept trying to clutch at Mew's neck and shoulders but his grip was weak and his fingers were tiny.

"That's it," Mew murmured against his forehead. Then he trailed down and pressed a kiss to his neck before biting down. "Come for me."

Gulf came with an open mouth, his entire body shaking as he spurt in Mew's hand, staining Mew's shirt and his precious bed, with pearly come. He shook so badly that Mew had to hold him still and hush him, his hand tight around his cock the entire time.

"There you go," Mew said. He looked down and obsessively watched Gulf's cock as he finished in his hand, finally going limp. When Gulf finished, he brought his hand to his mouth and licked.

Gulf stared at him with an unreadable expression as he did. When Mew was finished, he took his dirty shirt off and settled back on top of Gulf.

Gulf blushed and cupped his jaw before kissing him, his cheeks rosy from his orgasm. He was filthy, but beautiful.

"More?" Mew asked, just to be sure.

Gulf nodded eagerly, and that was all he needed.

He took off his sweatpants next and kicked them and his boxers to the floor. When he situated himself back between Gulf's legs, Gulf sat up a bit, peering down at Mew's dick with curious eyes.

"You've seen it before," Mew said, and it sounded like a question. Gulf nodded as if he were unsure.

"It's just...so big," Gulf said, in a small voice. "It's too big Phi, how are you going to fit inside me?" He wasn't even trying to talk dirty, he was sincerely wondering. It only made Mew harder.

"With a lot of lube and prep," Mew said, trying to sound matter of fact but missing the mark and landing on turned on. "Don't be scared."

Gulf didn't look scared. In fact, he looked more interested in Mew's dick than in what Mew was saying. It shouldn't have been as flattering as it was.

"You can touch it if you want," Mew said. He felt dirty as he coaxed Gulf to wrap his small hand around his dick. _I could come from just this_ , he thought, and there was no way in hell that was happening.

Gulf didn't get the memo because he said, "I can barely wrap my hand around it."

"I think that's enough," Mew said, in a pained voice, wrenching Gulf's hand away with an urgency that betrayed how close he was.

"What? I barely touched it, let me...!" Gulf complained, reaching for his dick like it was a toy. "Or did I do something wrong?" Now he sounded sad, and that was a hundred times worse.

"The exact opposite," Mew said. Gulf looked confused, always the last one in on the joke. "You're too good."

Recognition dawned on his face.

"Oh...oh!"

His expression turned teasing as he wrapped his arms around his neck.

"Yeah," Mew said.

"I don't mind," Gulf said, trying to comfort him, "There's other stuff I wanted to try too."

Mew remembered that last article he'd seen on Gulf's phone and had to bite down hard on his bottom lip to stay unselfish, to not just slide up the bed and fuck his cock into Gulf's heart shaped mouth.

"Well I do," Mew said strongly, "You said you wanted me to fuck you, and that's what I'm going to do."

Gulf's playful smile disappeared, his eyes going glazed.

"Come on," Mew said. He hoisted Gulf up the bed, getting two full handfuls of his ass before he dragged himself down between Gulf's legs and parted them. Gulf whined and tried to close them, an instinctual reaction, but Mew spread them wider. His hands were so big that his finger could dip into Gulf without even releasing his grip on his ass. Curious to see how far it reached, he pulled one cheek to the side and nearly choked when he got a glimpse of his thumb next to Gulf's hole; pink, virginal, and impossibly tiny.

"Fuck," Mew said, more to himself than Gulf. He pulled his cheeks apart even wider, making Gulf moan in embarrassment and surprise. If Mew looked up he was probably hiding his face in his arms, but those cheeks weren't currently his primary concern.

He pressed his thumb to the opening and watched it flutter around the pad before he hooked it inside, nudging just the tip in. Gulf moaned as his thighs parted, the limbs shaking. Even just the tip of Mew's thumb was a struggle and it shouldn't have been as hot as it was.

 _He's not wet enough yet_ , Mew thought, and he was suddenly reminded of a way he could get him wet.

He had never wanted to do this specific act, and even though it was dirty when he first saw it in porn a few years back.

 _Why would anyone want to do that?_ he had wondered with disgust. He couldn't even kiss his girlfriend at the time without being bothered by the faint taste of sriracha sauce on the back of her tongue, forget the other end of her.

Spreading Gulf's cheeks in his hands, he understood completely.

"P'Mew," Gulf asked tentatively from somewhere above, "Aren't you going to—"

He let out the loudest scream Mew had ever heard from him when he leaned down and licked a fat swatch over Gulf's hole. The soft pink skin gave without much pressure and soon, Mew was licking inside him.

Mew kissed him between his legs the same way he kissed him on the mouth, revelling at how clean he tasted and how he clenched down in fright because he'd never felt anything like this before. _Good_ , Mew thought, as Gulf whined, his high noises a mixture of overwhelm and confusion.

"P'Mew," Gulf cried, "What are you doing?"

"I'm just tasting you," Mew panted against his inner thigh, "and you taste..." He sucked a loud hickey into his thigh as his answer and looked up.

Gulf looked ruined, his face tear-stained and his eyes puffy. His lips were completely cherry-bitten too, a result of his efforts to stay quiet.

Mew pressed a soft kiss to the hickey on the inside of his thigh before continuing.

He licked into him slowly but steadily, as Gulf moaned above him. It went on for so long that eventually his tongue met no resistance, the muscle relaxed and soaked from the thorough fucking of Mew's tongue. He lapped at him for so long that wetness started to drip down his own chin.

Gulf's legs trembled around his head and Mew could feel him attempt to writhe, struggling to get away from the intense ministrations, but it was useless. Mew didn't stop until he thought Gulf was about to come, and when he did, the sight almost made _him_ come.

Gulf's hole glistened when he looked down at it, the opening pink and stretched, and dripping with his spit. He wanted to taste more, to fuck him with his tongue _more_ , but he'd made a promise.

Today, he made another one: one day he was going to eat Gulf out for _hours_. He pressed a parting kiss to his hole, before reaching up to interlace his fingers with Gulf's. They were trembling from what Mew had done to him so he held them tighter.

"Bedside table, darling."

It took Gulf a moment to respond.

"Huh?" he said, in a dazed voice. He sounded far away.

"There's lube and a condom in the bedside table."

Gulf reached for the table and fluttered his hand around until he found them. He passed the bottle and sachet to Mew who kissed his palm in turn.

When he finally sunk his first finger into Gulf—with lube nearly dripping down his wrist from how generous he'd been—the high keen Gulf let out lit up every nerve in Mew's body.

He was a virgin to this, his body obviously tight and unused even after being fucked by Mew's tongue.

"You're so beautiful like this," Mew said honestly, "God, look at you."

He sunk another finger inside without thinking, but Gulf took that well too, his body opening up and sucking him in like it knew who Mew was. It was a delirious thought, that every part of Gulf's body knew he belonged to Mew.

Gulf didn't reply to his praise, to busy making soft, surprised, _ah, ah, ah_ noises as Mew stretched out his hole. He was oversensitive and relaxed from being eaten out, but two fingers weren't a tongue. Especially two of Mew's fingers.

"That's it," Mew said, his fingers becoming firmer and more pressing as Gulf opened up more and more, his tight hole getting familiar with Mew's fingers.

Gulf let out a startled _ah!_ when Mew pressed against something soft, so he experimentally pressed on it again.

_Found it._

"Does that feel good?" Mew asked in a low, smug voice because he already knew the answer.

Gulf nodded eagerly, "Uh-huh."

"It doesn't hurt at all?"

Gulf shook his head, and Mew was grateful. That was most of the reason he'd avoided this for so long. Hurting Gulf was his greatest fear.

"But it didn't hurt the first time either," Gulf said absent-mindedly. It took Mew a moment to fully process his words. Once he did, his blood started to rush in his ears.

It was impossible. Gulf had told him multiple times that he'd never done anything with a man besides some playful kisses at his all-boys school. He had never even had a boyfriend. _But you don't need to have a boyfriend to get fucked_ , Mew thought, a sick feeling starting to crawl up his spine.

"Phi?" Gulf asked sweetly, "Why did you stop?"

"What did you just say?" Mew asked, wrenching his fingers out of Gulf. He let out a startled whine of protest at the sudden loss and reached for Mew's wet hand, but he pulled it away and grabbed his face with it instead. "What did you just say? Say it again."

"What?" Gulf asked, still dazed but more alert as he stared up at Mew's dark, dangerous eyes. "I said it doesn't hurt."

"After that."

"It didn't hurt...oh."

Gulf giggled. Mew didn't understand what was so funny.

"I meant, it didn't hurt the first time I fingered _myself_."

The relief hit Mew like a truck and it must have shown on his face because Gulf laughed some more. It quickly stopped when Mew slid his fingers back inside without pause, relishing in the way Gulf's laughter turned into silence and his eyes stayed locked with his.

"When was the first time?" Mew asked in a low voice, trying to regain some pride as he fucked his fingers inside. After New Years', maybe?

Mew was purposefully relentless in hitting his prostate each time, enjoying the way Gulf's eyes rolled back and his attempted words became slurred as he tried to answer.

"During our work— _shops_!" Gulf admitted, his voice rising into a squeak when Mew fucked a third finger inside without warning him. They squelched between Gulf's legs as Mew fucked them into him, the noise rising as he sped up.

Mew hissed in surprise. That had been over a year ago. He could easily picture it, Gulf returning to his condo after rolling around with his Phi all day and then pulling his leg up, maybe pressing in a finger or two and imagining that they were Mew's much bigger ones. No wonder Mew thought his hole had never been touched.

"How did you do it? Tell Phi."

"I...I... _ah_ ," Gulf moaned, biting down on his finger. Mew pulled it away. "With lotion and my hands," he said, "I don't remember what day it was, I just remember that Phi carried me that day. It was sexy."

"Yeah?" Mew asked, roughly. He wanted to keep going, to fuck Gulf's hole with his fingers until he came, but that wasn't the plan of the hour and his own cock was starting to hurt for attention.

"Yeah," Gulf whined.

He let out a sad moan when Mew tugged his fingers free but it dissipated when Mew slowly swung his legs over his thighs, one after the other.

He hadn't had sex in over a year but he slid the condom on with practiced ease before lining himself up with Gulf's tiny hole. They both trembled when he pressed forward, Gulf clamping down on the head of his cock like a vice. Even after all Mew had done, no tongue or fingers were comparable to his actual cock.

"It's okay," Mew whispered against his cheek, "Phi will take care of you, I just need you to relax for me."

"I _am_ relaxed," Gulf said, "I'm just so tight, Pho."

Later, Mew would recognize that it was bait. At that moment, Mew sunk inside him without warning.

"Fuck," he hissed, overwhelmed at the heat and the tightness, and Gulf's screwed shut eyes. Gulf felt half a size too small, like he might burst at the seams if Mew fucked him too hard or too fast.

"Oh!" Gulf moaned, his voice and eyes wide and quivering with surprise.

"It's fine," Mew reassured him, "We're gonna go slow."

It was agony but Mew sunk into Gulf inch by inch, forcing himself to stay still and not making any sudden movements so Gulf could get used to his size. By the time he was buried inside, they were both shaking.

"You're too big," Gulf said, "I told you, you're too big."

He hooked his legs around Mew's waist, contradicting himself. It made him feel even smaller in Mew's arms.

"I can pull out," Mew panted, even though that was the last thing he wanted to do, "I can pull out if I'm too big for you."

Gulf whined and clenched down at his words, hopelessly turned on.

"Don't you dare," Gulf said, and then he pulled him in for a kiss.

They panted into each other's mouths until Mew's arms went stiff and his hips started to quiver, despite his struggle to stay still.

"Does this feel good?" he asked, giving an experimental shove forward, burying his cock a little bit deeper.

"Ah!" Gulf clutched at his shoulders.

"Good?" Mew said, nudging his hips forward a second time.

Gulf nodded eagerly, and the sight went to Mew's head.

"Good boy," he said, properly thrusting into him the third time, "Use your words this time."

He thrust into him shallowly and slowly, making sure not to go too deep before Gulf could handle it, but gently stretching him out on his cock.

"It's good, P'Mew," Gulf said, slurring his words, "Feels so, so good."

"You feel good too," Mew moaned into his ear, "You're so tight around me."

Gulf squeaked at the comment and tightened and it only made Mew want to ram into him more, until he opened up for him like he was welcoming him home.

"Yai Nong, can I please go faster?" Mew begged, "Please let Phi go faster."

He was the one on top of Gulf and fucking inside of him, but like this, Gulf might have had all the power.

"Yes," Gulf gasped, "Please, go—"

His plea turned into a garbled cry as Mew started to really pound into him, his cock making loud and urgent squelching noises as he fucked inside Gulf's tight body.

"P'Mew!" Gulf cried. He clung to Mew's neck as he was fucked and it made it even easier for Mew to situate him how he liked, wrapping two big hands around the curve of Gulf's ass and bobbing him up and down onto the cradle of his dick.

"Oh Gulf," Mew groaned as his hips slapped against Gulf's ass with rapid insistency, like he was trying to plant himself inside of him. It was an impossibility, even if he wasn't wearing a condom, but the brief fantasy and all that it entailed made his thrusts quicken. "I love you so much."

It was a choked confession that he groaned against Gulf's temple.

Gulf let out a high moan in response and nodded. "I love you too. I...I—"

His words were cut off when Mew abruptly rolled on to his back, so Gulf was the one hovering over him now. Gulf stared down at him in confusion.

"Hold on to me," Mew said. Gulf pouted but tentatively reached down and wrapped his arms around Mew's neck. Mew's words were the only warning he got before he planted his feet on the bed and fucked upwards, stretching Gulf wide around his cock. Held against Mew's chest like this, Gulf couldn't do anything but take it, his entire body trembling as Mew relentlessly fucked into him. He wasn't slow because he'd done slow and Gulf was soft and open because of it. Now, it was time for them to enjoy that.

"P'Mew, P'Mew," Gulf cried out the entire time, and Mew held him tight. It was a mockery of a hug considering he was holding Gulf still so he could take his dick without running away.

"I know you can give me one more," Mew panted, surprised by the heat in his words. Gulf would give him one more because Mew was telling him to give him one more.

Mew's cock made an audible wet noise every time Gulf's hole stretched around him, but he'd gone buttery and soft now. There wasn't even a lick of resistance as Mew fucked into him, only Gulf drooling and whining above him.

"You can come now," Mew said, "Daddy's got you."

Gulf came for the second time that night with a keen, high and incoherent. Mew felt his cock squirt between them, but he felt his hole clamp down on his cock even more. Gulf's hole fluttered around Mew as he continued to thrust into him, not slowing down in the slightest so Gulf was forced to ride his orgasm out to the end.

"There you go," Mew said, as Gulf came down.

"Oh P'Mew," Gulf wailed when he grabbed his hips and started to pound into him without pause. Gulf wasn't even hard anymore but he was good and obedient so he stayed still, and let Mew use him to reach his own orgasm.

"Thank you," Mew choked into his ear when he came, because Gulf was such a good boy for letting him do this. He was such a good boy for coming twice, and then letting Mew use his body to come even after he already had.

His hips slowed as he filled Gulf and the condom up with wave after wave of come. He held Gulf the tightest he had the entire night before his arms relaxed and fell on to the bed next to him, limp.

Gulf didn't move from his spot on top of him, legs still spread and body still stretching wide around Mew. It took Mew rolling them on to their sides after a few moments to dislodge him.

"You can't!" Gulf whined urgently when Mew's limp dick naturally slid out of him. It was something he would definitely be embarrassed about later, but now he looked anxious and all because Mew had pulled out of him.

"Easy," Mew said, brushing his hair out of his face. Gulf looked like a mess. His skin was red and his eyes were crusted and wet from crying so much. Gulf looked beautiful. "It had to be done, darling."

"Still," Gulf pouted.

Mew reached down between them and twisted the used condom between his fingers, tying it closed. Being down there reminded him of another thing he should worry about.

"Does it hurt?" Mew asked, reaching down between Gulf's legs, "Let me see."

"No, it doesn't." Gulf still allowed Mew to spread him wide and gently rub at the velvety stretched out rim of his hole. Gulf was too fucked out and tired to be embarrassed, and it made Mew linger longer than he should have. He was supposed to be looking for tears and blood but all he could think was, _my come should be here._

"You're not hurt. Just a little sore," Mew said, in a high voice as he laid down to him. Gulf curled up under his sweaty arm, nosing against his neck. He made a panicked noise when Mew sat up after a few minutes to get washcloths from the bathroom.

"Calm down," Mew said gently, easing Gulf back onto the bed with one hand on his head. "I'll be right back."

He took a quick shower while he was in there before soaking two cloths to bring back to Gulf.

When he returned, Gulf was half asleep. Paintings could be put to shame by the curve of his jaw, and the purple and red marks that blotted his copper skin. He looked so ethereal and still, Mew was hesitant as he wiped him down, but it didn't end up mattering much. Gulf woke up anyway.

"Hi."

"Hi, Phi," Gulf croaked and then he smiled up at him. And Mew was so in love with him, he felt like it was going to spill out of him.

Instead of crying, he walked over to the corner of his room and plucked his guitar off its stand. Gulf stared at him but didn't move.

"What are you doing?" he eventually asked.

"Don't ask," Mew said in a low voice, "just listen."

He sat on the corner of the bed and pressed record on his phone as he strummed the chords experimentally and looked for the right beat.

" _You're the last person I see before I fall asleep, and you're the first person I want to see when I wake up in the morning_ ," Mew sang.

Gulf stared at him with one heavy-lidded eye as he strummed the chords, entirely naked with only Mew's pillow to hide his face in.

Mew was suddenly struck with how true his words were, and how he wanted them to be true for a very long time. _Because forever doesn't exist_ , he reminded himself. Staring at Gulf made it hard for him to hold onto that tried and true belief. Maybe forever could exist if it was with Gulf.

"Good?" he asked, stroking Gulf's hair when he paused.

Gulf nodded sleepily and smiled up at him. "Good. Super good, Phi."

"Good," Mew repeated, "Because it was for you."

Gulf's eyes went soft as he nodded again. "I heard it. Loud and clear."

"No matter what I'm singing, all of my songs are for you, Nong."

He leaned down and kissed him. When he pulled back, Gulf stared up at him with tired, loving eyes.

"Then play me a lullaby," Gulf whispered.

"Whatever you want," Mew said. It was the easiest thing in the world, gently playing a soft offhand song about the seasons as he watched Gulf struggle to stay awake. Eventually, he lost the battle and his eyes fluttered shut, and Mew's job was done.

That night when Mew slept, he didn't dream at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Canon events:
> 
> [Mew and Gulf's sulking incident at the mall](https://twitter.com/babiegulf/status/1272102875938738178)  
> [Mew and Gulf's fight over the phone because Mew raised his voice at him before they went to Samet Island](https://twitter.com/mewmeow_boobii/status/1233740243146162177)  
> [Gulf talking about being bullied for being “too thin”](https://twitter.com/tharntype05/status/1225695961789296641)  
> [Mew accidentally groping Gulf at CentralWorld](https://twitter.com/noelia1771/status/1204749595861028865)  
> [Mew’s tweet telling fans not to touch Gulf because he’s possessive](https://twitter.com/marriedmewgulf/status/1266021030771871745)  
> [Mew surprising Gulf on his birthday at the event that he organized](https://twitter.com/mewsbreath/status/1243430091868135431)  
> [Mew having dinner with Gulf's family after](https://twitter.com/walaas98/status/1232796495927238658)  
> [Mew and Gulf wearing their Sai Sin on New Years at the temple](https://twitter.com/walaas98/status/1250877608201461762)  
> [Gulf having to address the controversy about his girlfriend](https://twitter.com/babiegulf/status/1275771805089755137)  
> [Gulf surprising Mew on his birthday at midnight after working all day](https://twitter.com/mewgulfing_/status/1250497063240024068)  
> [The song Mew posted for Gulf in the middle of the night after Gulf “left” his house](https://twitter.com/mewgulfing_/status/1270464712547975170)
> 
> [P’Grace](https://twitter.com/mewguIfie/status/1267894039396876288?s=20) [and Nong Jom](https://twitter.com/marriedmewgulf/status/1250689346128076800?s=20) for people who don't know what they look like
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this! If you did, please leave a comment.
> 
> If you want to reach me elsewhere you can reach me on my BL writing Tumblr [@badapricot](https://badapricot.tumblr.com/). If you wanna clown around, give me a reason to delete all these fics and it's done.


End file.
